Thursday, April 16, 2009


I don't know what to say. I'm staring at a blank screen, knowing that Matthew's case is (or soon will be) in court. Granted, placement won't be decided but legal things will be happening regarding the future of this case. I feel tormented. I don't really know why. It's just awful this business of not having any control and wondering how many more weeks or months I have to wonder...

I think the worst part is that I love my son. I would certainly throw myself into oncoming traffic for him and I can't imagine a life without him. Trouble is, I'm sure that is exactly how his birth father feels. I hate that, for someone, this ends with a throbbing ache that, at best, can only dull over time. Should we keep Matthew, I will know that someone is hurting on a daily basis. But, my primary concern has to be the boy. I believe that he is better off with two parents and a brother and a church family and a golden retriever.

Please pray for what is happening/did happen in court today. Please pray for our family. Because we are just that, a family. And I just can't bear the thought of my family being torn apart.


  1. I've been reading your blog for awhile and wanted to tell you to hang in there. I'm praying for a great big positive outcome for you all.

  2. Jeremiah 29:11 is a perfect verse for you to cling to, as you have said, but know it is also a perfect verse for Matthew as well

    For God knows the plans He has for Matthew, plans to prosper him and not to harm him, plans to give him hope and a future.

    We are praying for you guys.