Hearing

I don't know what to say. I'm staring at a blank screen, knowing that Matthew's case is (or soon will be) in court. Granted, placement won't be decided but legal things will be happening regarding the future of this case. I feel tormented. I don't really know why. It's just awful this business of not having any control and wondering how many more weeks or months I have to wonder...

I think the worst part is that I love my son. I would certainly throw myself into oncoming traffic for him and I can't imagine a life without him. Trouble is, I'm sure that is exactly how his birth father feels. I hate that, for someone, this ends with a throbbing ache that, at best, can only dull over time. Should we keep Matthew, I will know that someone is hurting on a daily basis. But, my primary concern has to be the boy. I believe that he is better off with two parents and a brother and a church family and a golden retriever.

Please pray for what is happening/did happen in court today. Please pray for our family. Because we are just that, a family. And I just can't bear the thought of my family being torn apart.