Monday, April 6, 2009


I know I've been a little quiet but my MIL was in town. Garrett had a blast playing with her and she enjoyed meeting Matthew. Because of her stay, Troy and I have decided we need a nanny to work the hours of 6-10 am. It was much easier to get a few extra minutes of sleep, get out the door in the morning, and feel entirely sane with her assistance.

We don't really want a nanny (do we, Troy?) and I have to say, praise God for infertility and contested adoptions. Did you ever think I'd say that? Here is the thing, without the aforementioned nightmares, the world might be short a couple of adorable little boys tonight.

Garrett is exhausted. He played hard today and he's emotionally edgy and it all came to a head during his bath. I got the baby out and all jammied up. He was happily squirming on the bathmat, staring at the lights, while I attempted to get Garrett out. Something snapped in my firstborn's brain and he was crazily screaming about not getting out. After making several attempts and not being able to pick up his kicking and slippery body, I told him he was making Jesus upset. That actually worked (thank you, Jesus) and he got out. But then he immediately began shrieking again. At this point Matthew decided that, what with Garrett making a scene, he probably needed to join in. Additionally he was due for a bottle and thought that very moment was a great time to remind me. Seeing as how I was busy dealing with a wild-eyed, kicking monster, I had to let the baby cry. And cry he did. Actually, it was more like the wail of a pack of coyotes.

As they both shrieked, I took a deep breath and thought about ripping out all my hair in two fistfuls. Then, like a freight train colliding with one of those teeny European cars, it hit me. I thought about all those long months I spent praying for a child. I thought about how no toddler tantrum even comes close to stressing me out the way infertility did. I thought about how every minute that I get to spend with Matthew is a blessing and if he's crying, well, I will try to remember that sound because maybe I'll never get to experience him throwing a toddler tantrum. And I laughed.

I did not yank my hair out. Eventually I got Garrett's pajamas on him. I got him to go from screaming to whimpering and hiccuping and I got him into his room for a Bible story. I picked the baby up and bounced him as I read to Garrett. I think he was out cold within two minutes of his head hitting the pillow. Then I cuddled with Matthew while I gave him his bedtime bottle. Both boys are asleep now. The house is quiet. Their cries are now only a memory as they sleep in peace.

Thank God for infertility and contested adoptions. I am certainly a better mother because of them. I know I appreciate my boys more--even when they are acting like a couple of screaming banshees.

It should probably be noted that Troy is at a board meeting.


  1. Totaly with you on this! Still praying for the adoption. Is there any news at all?
    God Bless.

  2. Lol....I always thought I was a better mom because I spent 10 days in the hospital while I was pregnant with you because I had a collapsed lung and because your brother was 9 weeks early. You just have to appreciate your children that much more. That's not to say that there weren't days when I wanted to strangle you both or pull clumps of my hair out. Oh...and then there are the teen years....sorry.

  3. I have been reading your blog through Heidis link, praying and following the adoption.

    I too sit during those scenes and thank God that I am a mother. Those moments hit me and remind me that I am right in the middle of where I want to be. Perhaps not that exact moment, but it is all part of.

  4. I love this post! I feel the same way about being so thankful for Baby Swiss and not sweating the crazy stuff.

  5. You are a wonderful Mom... just keep reminding yourself. It never hurts to just look at the two screaming children with whom you are blessed, sit down on the floor next to where the tantrum is taking place and laugh! A personal experience... it stopped the tantrum - probably because they thought Mom was losing it!