Saturday, March 1, 2008

An Important Announcement Concerning March

When I was in college, my dear friend had, in her wardrobe collection, a very fuzzy, very red, very perplexing...thing. I cannot remember how it was that she had come to own this particular accessory but we were unsure of its actual function. Was it a scarf? Was it a tube top? Was it, perhaps, an Annie wig? We decided to make a short documentary in which we showed several functions of, what we had begun referring to as, The Red Thing. Not too terribly long ago, this friend, the incomparable Kristin, found another Red Thing in New York City and knew, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that it needed to come and live with me. I was overjoyed to have my very own Red Thing, though we still are not entirely sure what to do with them. I suppose if I am ever cast as a very large, very old, Annie, the wig department will have an easier time as I will be supplying my own hairpiece. When I moved to Utah I was shopping and I turned the corner and found a display of Magic Scarves. There were purple ones. There were blue ones. There were even multicolored ones. (Oh the humanity!) They were, indeed, the cousins of Red Thing. These items can really only be explained as a crossbreed of tube scarf and 1970's shag carpet. The result was the birthing of long fuzzy eyeless burqas. I combed the Internet for the official website and, if my research is valid you can buy your very own Magic Scarf (though I truly prefer Red Thing) here. Although, on this particular page, it presents as some sort of shawl--yet another function of the multifaceted thing.

The real reason for this post is because I think that every single one of my six readers should run right out and buy a Red Thing. Or a Multicolored Thing. Or a Purple Thing. I don't care, choose a color that goes well with your eyes. Whatever you do, just buy a thing. Hmmm. That sounded a lot better in my head. Why? You ask. Because the limits of this somewhat hideous scarf/burqa/shawl accessory are endless. I have a sneaking suspicion that you remain unconvinced. That is why, for the next month, this sight will be featuring a daily photo in which you can view another wonderful aspect of the Magic Scarf repertoire. For those of you who enjoy hearing about the all the poop, all the tears, and all the laughter that goes on in my home, do not fear. Blogging will continue as normal, there will just be a happy Red Thing picture accompanying the monotony of the journey.

So without further adieu I present to you (drum roll please) RED THING MARCH

As its given name suggests, The Magic Scarf can be worn as, well, a scarf. Here we have young Garrett modeling my very own Red Thing as an object by which his neck will undoubtedly remain warm. The Magic Scarf is fairly long, however, so I would warn against wearing it on the slopes for fear of getting it caught in the lift and thereby causing an inadvertent hanging. I would also warn against wearing it while in the company of domestic animals as it may be taken as an invitation for a rousing game of tug o' war. Furthermore, if you purchase your scarf in red, I would not suggest wearing it to a bull fight. It bears a striking resemblance to the cape used by the matador, no?


  1. i can attest to the hours of fun to be had by any owner of such a magic scarf. in grad school, one of my friends owned a lime green magic scarf. while we did not make a documentary about its many uses, we did find it a good inspiration for hours and hours of creativity when we should have been reading or writing papers. the scarf always came out the night before a paper was due. everyone should experience the wonders of a magic scarf at least once in life!

  2. While I will not be running out and buying my own magic red thing, I am excited and ready to see 31 uses. Yep, this will be fun!! Love Garrett as the model, too cute.

  3. You really should think about writing a book, your writing style makes me want to read more and then I get to the end of the blog and I daily (if I am so lucky) scream I want more! Very much looking forward to future postings of the Red Thing and other vivid topics to come!

  4. Garrett looks less than impressed with being the model. Can't wait to see Troy, Beck, Ollie and Evie when it is their turn to model. Perhaps it will take the place of the t-shirt around the eyes? lol