Thursday, March 13, 2008

I'm Sorry To Say It's Just A Shirt

If you haven't stopped by in March, read this first or you'll be a little confused. Maybe. I don't know.

So I understand that given the burqa and the sleeping bag, yesterday's Red Thing usage seemed a little basic. My brother thought that I was running out of ideas and needed some suggestions. Actually, I have more than 31 ideas already and The Belt had to come at some point. Perhaps I should have put it at the beginning. Don't worry though, there are still what I consider to be some major gems coming soon. Today, however, we've got to stay with another simple garment. I present The Shirt or, if you so choose, The Dress Over Pants.
I've never done the dress over pants thing. NOT ONCE NEVER EVER IN MY LIFE. It isn't that I don't think it can be pulled off, because I do. I just don't think that I'm exactly the kind of person to successfully do it. I'm a tank top and flip flop kind of girl. I can totally pull off beach bum and I can totally pull off jeans and fuzzy necked ski jacket. I can't pull off the dress over pants thing. And I don't want to. I'm actually kind of glad I don't see fit to attempt it. It's a fashion trend I can generally do without. But if you want to try it, I encourage you to do so with The Red Thing. If you're like me and you don't want to rock the double clothing genre because you get confused, you don't know where to look, or your head starts hurting, wear it as a shirt.

Now the truly amazing thing about The Magic Scarf Shirt is that it grows with you. Magic Scarves are one size fits all so, then, are the shirts. Where tops are concerned, I usually wear a small. But trust me when I say that if you wear an Extra Large, no problem where The Red Thing is concerned. But the greatest of all is that it is also a maternity shirt. Not just any maternity shirt, my friend, a maternity shirt that grows with you. It doesn't matter if you're fifteen weeks or forty, a huge pregnant person or a small one.

That's a hard hat in there but I'd be lying if I said that the thought didn't cross my mind to wear it for the rest of the day. That's how desperately I want to be pregnant. I'm almost willing to wear a hard hat all day just so I can pretend that Garrett's brother or sister is on the way. It should be noted that I was NEVER that big when I was pregnant with my son. Much to the chagrin of several family members and a few friends, I only gained 22 pounds and I decided to start wearing maternity pants at 26 weeks because I'd paid for them so I might as well put 'em to use. It should be noted that I was really careful about what I ate and I've always had decent abs that came in handy for holding him in tight. Side note: "I'm eating for two," while true, is a completely ludicrous statement. Yes, you are. You're eating for yourself and a FETUS, something that, for the majority of the pregnancy is the size of a large piece of fruit. How much does a cantaloupe need to stay alive? Okay, climbing off my high horse. Yes, there was the day that I strongly considered eating an entire Costco cake and yes my mother talked me out of it and yes, I know, for that lecture I just gave, if there's ever a next time I'm sure I'll be huge with child. And I'd gladly trade my figure for another one. And, if I had a second pregnancy and gained 60 pounds, I'd gladly accept a tongue lashing from anyone who feels offended. And at least, for a little while, I'd have my mammae back. And YAY! The Red Thing doubles as a maternity shirt for tiny pregnant people all the way up to the ones who have sextuplets. Well...maybe not them. Even the Magic Scarf has it's limitations.


  1. You look really cute in the "shirt over pants" style thingy. And, I pray that soon you won't have to worry about faking it with a hard hat and that you will be exploding with my next grandchild.

  2. just watch, you WILL gain 60lbs next time like i did and you WON'T be able to fit into your pre-pregnancy jeans the day after giving birth. i'm still choked by that, you know. and if its mammae that you're longing for, i wish i could give you some of mine. i ended up going a couple of cup sizes LARGER after nursing. i'm not bragging either. :)