Tuesday, May 12, 2009

The Rock Star Is Afraid

Garrett just told me he's a rock star. I have no idea where he came up with that.

When I was pregnant, Troy and I saw a hilarious website that listed funny things kids were afraid of. I clearly remember that one little girl was deathly afraid of butterflies. We wondered what our child would grow to be afraid of.

The time has come. The rock star has developed a very real, completely crazed, paralyzing fear of...you know what, I can't even tell you. The creature is so ferocious, so terribly frightening that I can't even bring myself to mumble its cursed name. I'll just have to post a picture. Avert your eyes now if you think you might have nightmares for a lifetime if you see the beast.
Here he is...

Yup. My son is absolutely terrified of roosters. And here's the thing, if he saw a real rooster I don't even think he'd be afraid. Wait, let me show him this picture and I'll live blog the response.

Me: (first I pause Dragon Tales) Garrett--
G: Don't pause it.
Me: Hold on. Hey, what is this?
G: (smiling) It's a rooster.
Me: Is it scary?
G: No! Turn Dragon Tales back on!

But at night, oh heavens to Betsy! (Whatever that actually means, the Internet says it is a mild exclamation of surprise. Can we please bring it back?) At night he gets out of bed two seconds after we put him in there and he declares, "I had a scary dream! There was a big rooster." Nevermind that he sleeps with a plastic sword for the very purpose of slaying big, terrifying roosters. Nevermind that his giant stuffed lion is there to protect him because, obviously, a lion can take a rooster in a fight. Nevermind that I told him if any rooster managed to penetrate the walls of his room I would punch it in the face. Nevermind that he sleeps on the second floor so the evil poultry would have to waltz through the door, not be seen by the canine or the feline, cockadoodle doo his way up the stairs and peck through the door just to get to him. He is completely convinced that a rooster "got off the farm" and has come for him.

Three years ago my husband and I laughed at a little girl who was afraid of butterflies. Unbeknownst to us, our son, the rock star, would have an irrational fear of the rooster.


  1. That's is so sad and hysterical at the same time.

  2. one of my sisters was deathly afraid of roosters as a little kid. it took my dad "killing" one and making a grave in the backyard for her to be at peace!

  3. I've been afraid of roosters my whole life I hate them!!

  4. Wow. There was much hilarity in this one. First, you telling G you will punch a rooster in the face. Second, the entire sequence of poultry cockadoodle dooing up the stairs. Third, well, that he is that scared of roosters.

  5. Does he watch "Sid the Science Kid?" It's on KPBS in the morning? When the show first starts Gerald, one of the characters, says "I'm a Rockstar!"
    I don't know just an idea!!
    Too cute either way!

  6. Funny, funny. J

  7. Oh my stars and garters! (another expression of mild surprise.)

    My son is a football playing, motorcycle riding, surfing, bodybuilding hunk of manhood, and is very afraid of spiders.

    Sheesh. At age 29, I thought he'd outgrow it. I was wrong. We hope his new wife will be able to kill spiders for him.

  8. Nevermind that I told him if any rooster managed to penetrate the walls of his room I would punch it in the face.

    I have read this over 5 times today. And I almost fall on the floor every time I read it.

  9. So funny! Anna was terified of a rooster that would show up in her dreams when she was little and his name was the nightmare chicken. He had glowing red eyes and she could tell you all about him to this day. She too wasnt afraid of chickens or roosters during the day only at night. Very strange.

  10. So much for being a rockstar, huh?
    Then again, you'll never know. Maybe Paul McCartney is actually afraid of ducks. :D
    (very cute story, btw)