When There Is No Return Address...

Yesterday a comment was left anonymously. While I normally don't address comments left by anonymous individuals, I want to take the time to answer the concerns raised in the event that any of you had any similar questions but were afraid to ask.

Why not get a part time job on weekends, or nights to help out your family?
Believe me, I've thought about it. Whenever I see the signs, "Now Hiring," I think about walking in and applying. But here's the thing, I'm a pastor's wife and a mother. Those are my jobs. I'm not saying that I can't have another occupation and until we moved to Utah I did. But being a pastor's wife is not equal to sitting around doing nothing and then showing up at church on Sunday morning. I found a site where it was put this way, "...if the Lord calls a man into the ministry, He calls the whole man, and that includes the man's wife and his family. The Apostle Paul in 1 Timothy 3 gives us the qualifications of a 'bishop' or what we call a pastor, and in verse 4 we see the following: 'one who rules his own house well, having his children in submission with all reverence.' 'Rules well' is an idiom for being a biblical husband with a submissive wife and children that love and respect him. The pastor who is the head of his home will be more successful as a leader in the church, and of course this means that his wife is his helper in the ministry of the home as well as the church. The ministry is a partnership in all areas of life and not just in the home life. The wife does not do the work of the pastor, but the pastor and his wife are a team who are yoked together to do God's work." It would be impossible for me to work on Sunday and still fulfill my role as a pastor's wife. Due to my church commitments, which I am called by God to do, it would likely be impossible for me to work evenings/nights or Saturdays as well. Much like a politician's wife, I need to be at almost all church events in order to support my husband as the spiritual leader of our church. I could likely work during the day but then I wouldn't be investing in the lives of my children. My husband and I have decided, through prayer and biblical principle, that it is extremely important to us that we are the ones raising our children.

With all your close church friends and what not, if your husband can not watch the kids, maybe they would help.
Putting the above reasoning aside, there are several other reasons I could not work at the moment. To begin, if I worked nights I don't have a clue how I would sleep. I couldn't sleep during the day because the three year old and the baby would likely join forces and burn the house down. Not to mention the fact that we definitely wouldn't pass our post placement evaluations if I was sleeping instead of changing diapers. If I worked in the evenings so that I was back in time to sleep, my husband would not be able to commit to being home with them each and every night. He often has meetings and, additionally, has to make himself available when the people in our congregation need him. Essentially he is on call all the time. We certainly could elicit help from members of our congregation. However, if I made minimum wage, I would bring home $7.25 an hour. I haven't babysat in years but I assume the going rate for a sitter is much higher than $7.25 an hour for two children. Technically, unless I landed a job that paid much more than minimum wage, I'd be losing money by going to work part time. I'm sure that there would be people in our church who would be willing to babysit for free but that would certainly be a donation of their time. As we all know, time is money. I think I'd rather write someone a one time check of $100 than be their free babysitter on a weekly basis.

When most people want something they will work hard for it, and do whatever it takes, and not just sit around and wait for people to hand it to you.
Completely agreed. I have never intended for this blog to be used to "beg for money". Beg for prayer, yes. Beg for support, yes. Beg for money, no. The donation button is simply there for people who feel led to contribute to God's work--and yes, we believe this is God's work. We believe we are being called to fight for this precious child. When God calls us to do something, he provides a way for it to be done. He can provide in any number of ways but we certainly aren't waiting around for a handout.

I wish you luck, but honestly it seems like you should do some more to help yourself, than sit around and ask people for money.
The solution offered for us helping ourselves is for me to get a job. While this might help our financial situation, it would hurt our legal situation. One of the things we have going for us is that we are a stable family with two parents in the home, one who does not work outside the home and who is personally able to raise our small children. Additionally, when we were selected to raise and parent Matthew, we were chosen, in part, because I stay at home and have much time to devote to the boys. I remember a conversation I had with his birth mother about if or when I would go back to work. I replied that I likely would, when I no longer had young children who were not yet in school. I will not change the terms of our agreement unless God makes it abundantly clear to both my husband and myself that that is our only option.

Being a stay at home mother and a pastor's wife is hard and busy work. But they are extremely fulfilling jobs. If anyone has ever believed that I expect a handout, please understand that I absolutely do not. Accepting your donations has been humbling and often incredibly difficult for us. We simply never believed that the cost of this would double (with no end in sight) from our original estimation. We wish we could do it on our own. But we just do not believe that Garrett or Matthew would benefit from my getting a job. On a positive note, because of the generous gifts we've received, we can now afford the monthly payments. Obviously, there will still be difficult decisions ahead and times where we will be begging you for your prayers, but we hope no one ever feels guilted into giving us money.

This has all come off a bit formal and technical but is meant to give a straightforward response to questions that may have crossed your mind. It is not written with any anger or resentment. Hopefully by tomorrow I will be back to writing about life size tomatoes and the antics of The Rock Star and his Little Buddy.