Tonight we're having a women's slumber party at the church. Yep, that's right, we're putting on our p.j.s, watching movies, playing games, hanging out, and eating junk food. There will be prizes for different categories of pajamas.
I've never left Matthew overnight before. I hate when I leave my babies for the first time although, to be fair, I honestly can't remember the first time I left Garrett. I think he was about the same age. He may have been slightly younger. I left him with my parents. I'm sure he had a blast. I know that I am not technically leaving Matthew with someone else...he'll be with his father but it does pull at my heartstrings just a bit to think that I won't go pick him up in the morning. This got me thinking about what in the world I'll do if we lose custody of him. I cannot imagine that first day of not going to pick him up in the morning. I cannot imagine subsequent days. I wonder how many days will pass before I start remembering that he's not going to be there. I can't think about it for too long and I hope I never have to know what it's like.
We had our post placement exam today. If we weren't tied up in court, we'd be able to legally adopt Matthew in about four weeks. Oh how I wish we could. How I wish there was a period at the end of these adoption struggles.
But for tonight I will not worry about it. For tonight I will put on my pajamas and I'll head over to the church. Tonight I will try to channel my inner nine-year-old. I know she's in here somewhere, right where I left her, nineteen years ago.