Transracial Adoption

Dear Anonymous,

Thank you for responding. I just want to take a moment to tell you that I certainly hope you don't feel like you can't comment here--even when it might be a difference of opinion. My blog is welcome to all comments. I appreciate the fact that I got to respond and, hopefully, clear up some misconceptions, even if we don't ultimately agree. I realize that your comment spawned an outpouring of defense. I started this blog as we prepared to move away from all of our family and friends. I wanted loved ones far away to be able to come here on an almost daily basis and get a glimpse into our lives. The number of readers grew to include new friends here in Utah as well as friends of friends and extended family members and then, incredibly, to people I've never met and have no association with anyone I know. Being that so many of my readers are dear friends and loved ones, I think that their love for me ignited their emotions. I really do appreciate that you voiced your opinion. It allowed me the chance to address concerns that others may not have voiced. Again, I hope that you would feel free to comment in the future.
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Dear Friends & Family,

Thank you for all the extremely kind things you said about my parenting skills and the hard work I do on a daily basis and don't get paid for. I appreciate that you understand that Troy and I are a team making one salary. You guys are the best.
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The other day I experienced my first blatant encounter with prejudice. Honestly, I haven't been looking for it. Perhaps it's happened before but never so that it couldn't be overlooked. Several days ago I took the boys to the pool. As I was unloading our stuff onto a lounge chair, I noticed that the woman next to us was staring at us. This is not a big deal. A lot of people stare at Matthew. If we're out in public, he's usually smiling. His giggle is infectious. And he's just so chocolaty delicious. I'm used to the stares. They always end in giant smiles and conversation often follows. As the woman stared at me I caught her eye and smiled. Then she made an extremely disapproving face and turned her back to me. I don't know if she was upset that I had an African-American son or if she disapproves of transracial adoption or if she was curious as to whether or not he was my biological son. I think the third option is pretty impossible. He doesn't look like he has any German blood flowing his veins. I shrugged and took my boys into the water.
We walked back up to our chair to have some crackers. My son refers to them as "Grandma crackers" because my mom sent them to him in the mail. As we sat down I noticed, out of the corner of my eye, that she was staring at us again. I turned my full attention to her and smiled again. She returned my smile by locking in to my eyes and shaking her head, slightly, in disapproval. Then my husband walked in. He was on his way home for lunch and was taking Matthew with him so that I could have one on one time with The Rock Star. I watched as she pieced together that clearly, Troy was not black. I suppose this left her with one of two conclusions.

1. Matthew is, in fact, adopted.
OR
2. I was unfaithful. With a very dark man. And none of my whiteness came through. None at all.

Either option clearly appalled her. She didn't say anything. I didn't say anything. I let her have her rude look. It was the first that I noticed. It won't be the last. Transracial adoption is a hotly debated topic. I'm currently reading anything I can get my hands on about it. Maybe I'll come across something that will help me deal with unreturned smiles.

Although, to be fair, maybe she just hated my bathing suit.
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Coming soon: Five month letter to my son.