You all need to get yourselves a nearly three-year-old. Go ahead. I'll wait. And while you're figuring out which method to use to get this half toddler half almost preschooler, I'll take a moment to consider the fact that I HAVE AN ALMOST THREE-YEAR-OLD! What? Where did the time go? How ever did this:
Turn into this? I'll just never be able to figure out the speed in which my babies turn into tiny men. Why hasn't someone figured out a mathematical equation that will stop this madness?
Okay, now that I'm busy having heart palpitations...
Did you get an almost three-year-old?
Because there is simply nothing funnier.
Matthew is hilarious. He knows he isn't supposed to say pee (when referring to urine) but he's figured out a way to get around that rule. I was putting a diaper on him before bed--he's 98% potty trained during the day but tends to still flood the diaper at night--and he was looking at me.
"Pee," he said. Just like that. Just to test me. I gave it a minute because, obviously, if he followed it with Q, R, S, T, U, V... that would be perfectly fine. Staring down at him, waiting for him to continue with the alphabet, a look flashed across his face that clearly read, Uh-oh. I'm gonna get it. What do I do now? He flashed his famous smile and continued, "BS Kids." When typed out it makes it look like he was testing me even more but what you need to know is that he said P, waited a couple seconds, and followed it with BS Kids. Then he repeated it, "PBS Kids." It caught me so off guard, and was so clever, that I burst out laughing. Then he giggled hysterically which made me laugh even harder. Now he's decided to say, "PBS Kids," at the most bizarre times. In the middle of dinner, when we're snuggling before bed, in the bathtub, etc. Then, because he thinks it must be the funniest phrase ever uttered, he begins to laugh uncontrollably. Matthew's uncontrollable laugh has me wrapped around its little finger and I simply cannot help but crack up when I hear it. This, in turn, makes Matthew think he is wildly hysterical and the cycle continues. All because a toddler was testing his mother.
Other funny things he's said recently include, "I did it, Mommy. I put it in my roombed."
"I not sucking my thumb. It's right here." Which happened to be in his mouth.
His prayers at bedtime almost always go like this, "Dear Jesus, thank you mommy. Thank you Matthew. Thank you Gah-wit. Thank you daddy. Thank you mommy. Thank you Matthew. Thank you mommy. Thank you daddy. Amen." We've started to count how many times each of us gets mentioned and then declaring a winner. It's usually me. It's only fair. I mean, he has clung to me since he was two hours old and attempted to climb into my body on more than one occasion.
Of course the majority of the hilarious things he says escape my memory at the moment but seriously, he is so funny. If you don't have a nearly three-year-old, you are very much missing out. And if you do, you know exactly what I'm talking about.