I'm a cheater.
In the interest of laying it all out there and being totally honest on my blog, I feel the need to tell you. Confession is the first step to healing. I cheated, after 21 years.
I walked into the salon and sat on the couch. Glancing at my surroundings, I examined the gas fireplace, declined a beverage, noticed the magazine rack, and realized that the somewhat guilty feeling I had must be a small fraction of the way people feel when they plot an affair. I was called back and my good judgement began to wane, ever so slightly. The shampoo bowl was different--kind of fancy. Fancy isn't bad, I told myself. The stylist was young. Very young. Too young for me. I was robbing the cradle. Soon she had me talking, easy, comfortable. And then she massaged the shampoo into my scalp and it wasn't that I forgot about Nancy--how could I after 21 years--it's just that it felt so good the memories of those two decades began to fade.
I heard the words but I rationalized them away. You live 750 miles away! But I was faithful for two years of this long distance relationship. You haven't had your hair cut in five months! It's time. I'm just weak. Weakness. She just had knee surgery and can't cut your hair when you're in California! I...well...yes. That is why I strayed.
And when it was over my hair felt so healthy, so good, so fresh and clean that I didn't feel guilty. Nancy has cut my hair since I was seven. She did all but one of my updos for formal dances. She did my hair for my wedding. She did my hair for my brother's wedding. She gave me all my perms and all my highlights. She gave Garrett his first haircut. When I moved to Utah I refused to find a new stylist. I visit San Diego enough that I haven't needed to. But then she went and had knee surgery and I just didn't feel like I could go another few months without having her fix the mop I was growing.
So I cheated. I broke down. I had my hair cut in Utah. Oh the horror of seeing it in writing.
*This post is in no way meant to diminish the pain and guilt felt by those who have been involved in or scarred by actual affairs.