God Is In Control

We still haven't heard from our lawyer. His secretary called this morning to say that he'd be in touch today. It's alright though because I can't ignore my activator tendencies. I called Jennifer* and Jennifer's lawyer who we used to pay for but is now court appointed and, therefore, charges the county if we talk on the phone instead of us. I got the run down from Jennifer on how she thought things went and then I got the legal run down from her lawyer. Apparently the BF's lawyer kept having to leave--again. It's getting really special. Apparently, as a direct result of him leaving they only got through most of Jennifer's deposition and none of the BF's. Apparently they will attempt to finish up on Monday. Apparently I would be going out of my mind if I didn't know that my God is in control. I alternate between wanting to throw things and break windows and wanting to sit in the middle of my floor and laugh maniacally. Then I see the fingerprints of God written all over this entire situation, I take a deep breath and I press on.

We were going to adopt internationally. When we called to verify an insurance issue, Troy spoke, at length to a woman who had adopted from The Organization We're Adopting From. The fact that he got her, specifically, and she decided to bring up The Organization We're Adopting From instead of just answering the question, and we then decided to go through them for a domestic adoption instead of pursuing an international one, was God Is In Control Thing Number One.

I was in Southern California when we got the initial call that Jennifer (living in So. Cal) wanted to meet us. God Is In Control Thing Number Two.

Because of donations small and large, we have been able to continue our fight. God Is In Control Things Number Three. To let you all know, we are almost out of money. I'm only saying that so that you can watch with me as the Lord does something awesome. I promise I'll write about it when it happens.

That was only a list of the major things. There was, of course, the fact that when Jennifer had to have a C-section and she kind of totally freaked out, I remained ridiculously calm and I almost heard the Lord whispering, "Everything is going to be fine." With complete assurance of this fact I told her as much. I prayed with her and I said firmly that Everything. Would. Be. Fine. I've wondered nearly every day since that moment if God was speaking, instead, to my own fears. "Child, it's about to get crazy. But don't worry. Everything will be fine." And maybe it won't be fine the way I want it to be fine. Maybe we'll lose everything because we believe He wants us to fight for this child. Maybe we'll lose our son. Maybe I'll be a total basket case. The thing is that all of these are maybes. What is certain is the joy I have in knowing that God loves that baby infinitely more than I do--and I happen to love him more than I could use words to express.


*Still not her real name.