Onesies

Last night we were blessed by the church secretary, known, when she comments on this blog, as "J", and her husband who, to carry on tradition, will be referred to as "K". Whenever one of J and K's children announces that they are pregnant, they get them a gift. J explained this to me as she handed me a gift bag.

A few minutes later Troy and I pulled a package of Onesies out of the bag.

Despite my post about how I feel pregnant, there is a huge part of me that feels very unpregnant. We certainly haven't yet been chosen and the pessimist in me wonders if we ever will be. Even if we are chosen, the birth mother could change her mind. Something could go wrong. These reservations help me to hold my excitement at bay.

But then I get a package of Onesies and it's as though the child leaps inside my heart. Then I start thinking about how we could be chosen. The birth mother could decide not to back out. We could get a baby soon. We could have one in the next few months even. This line of thinking is extremely unlike me. I like to prepare for the worst. I like to think it will be seven or eight years before we're picked. But then I hold a package of teeny Onesies in my hands and I feel like I might just be able to will someone to choose me. I feel a level of excitement that couldn't be more real than if I had an actual due date.

"Pick Me," I scream on the inside. Choose this family. We have Onesies!