Tired

I'm tired.

And, yeah, I threw a surprise 40th birthday party this past weekend, lost my voice, have all kinds of post nasal drip, am waiting to go back to the doctor to have a thing looked at and I'm having to choose, very deliberately, not to freak out, and feel like my calendar is just a list of one thing after another but I'm generally not one to get down because of any of that stuff. Well, with the exception of the thing which, at this point, really just has me more perplexed than anything.

But I'm tired of a lot of things.

I'm tired of the wind. I hate wind. Unless it's a soft trade wind blowing across my back as I sip a cool drink under a palm tree in Hawaii. Or other such similar circumstances not involving Hawaii but involving blazing temperatures somewhere else instead. So, you know, not really similar circumstances at all.

I'm extremely tired of it really not being warm. My definition of comfortable temperatures is no less than 75 and no more than 85. I deal with under 75 but I don't like to deal with it in a bathing suit and I'd really like to be in a bathing suit by now. On the side of the pool. With the smell of sunscreen drifting past. I deal with over 85 but I hate running my air conditioning because I have Borderline Tight Wad Disorder.

I'm tired of wondering if Matthew's father really will visit at the end of the summer like he says he will or whether it will be another situation where we plan for his visit and then he suddenly can't come. Just thinking of it makes me want to take a sleeping pill.

I'm tired of this.

And that.

And that other thing.

But I'm so thankful for so many things. It might not be as warm as I'd like but there isn't snow on the ground. It might be really windy here on occasion but my house hasn't been destroyed by a tornado. It might be difficult trying to plan for Matthew's father but we're no longer in the middle of a contested adoption. And I might be tired now but we're going to Lake Tahoe in less than a month and I can't think of anything more refreshing than that. At the core of who I am, I have everything I ever wanted. When I think on that, really think on it, then I stop feeling like I need a nap.

And who would I be kidding anyway? I haven't napped since I was two.