Not quite five.
That's when my oldest, my son, the one I carried in my womb for nine long months, turns on a dime and decides he's crushing. That's when he gets a twinkle in his eye and a silly grin on his face. That's when he says that maybe he won't marry me after all. Maybe he'll marry her.
I'd change her name to protect her innocence but then it wouldn't rhyme with Bananica and what would be the fun in that.
Tonight is preschool graduation although, technically, they have another week left of school and, even more technically, my son isn't going to kindergarten next year. We've long since decided to give him a third year of preschool. Of course, he met Miss Bananica at school. Darn that academy.
Like a complete ignoramus, I failed to realize that he was talking about this girl frequently. Danica said this. Danica did that. Danica brought a Barbie for show and tell. My teachers call Danica "Danica Bananica". Finally, on a whim and fully expecting a recoiling shout of, "NO! Ew. Gross," I asked my beloved firstborn the now dreaded question.
"Do you like Danica?" He stumbled for just a step, recovered, looked into my eyes and replied.
My parents were here and my dad, like any good grandpa, egged him on. I'm pretty certain that it culminated in Garrett saying something about how she's beautiful. And nice. I can't be sure because I'm attempting to block it out of my mind.
Today, when I picked him up from school, he had a confession.
"I told Danica that I like her and I gave her a hug." I smiled at my precious boy.
"Did you give her a kiss?" I asked.
He contorted his face into a hysterical concoction of appalled meets snips and snails and puppy dog tails. "Ew. No!"
"Good," I sighed a breath of sweet relief. "She wouldn't like that very much."
Miss Bananica is already five. She's going to kindergarten in the fall. Their romance will be over by next Friday. But a day will come when my sweet son will kiss the girl and the girl will like it.
This won't be happening for at least another twenty years. If I have any say in the matter.