Wednesday, March 3, 2010


Be still, my soul, the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide
In every change, He faithful will remain
Be still, my soul, thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future, as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.

I've heard it's always darkest before dawn. I don't really buy it. I was a competitive swimmer and I spent many a darkened morning driving to practice or to meets. It isn't darkest before dawn. Before dawn there is an odd bluish black tint to the world. The light is trying so hard to infiltrate the darkness.

But boy do I get it on an emotional level. Dawn is coming and it sometimes seems pitch black around here. What that dawn will look like I have no idea. Will it be the dawn of my desire? Will it be the dawn of a door closing? A dawn where I have to turn around and face a different morning than I wanted to...

I don't know. Details are spinning and we're trying hard to move through each day without letting the emotional turmoil get the better of us. For various reasons, we've had a rough couple of days. Imagine my joy when God's word came to me, living and active, once again. Imagine my amazement when he revealed himself as Jehovah-shalom: The Lord is Peace.

Over the summer the Lord took me through a wonderful journey of learning to find joy in the trial. Should I take this new lesson as a hint that maybe I'm on a trek through the fruit of the spirit? This has been a long year. It has been filled with questions and pain and counsel and dreaming and baby steps. While the trial may not bring a definitive end to any of this, it will certainly bring direction. 42 days. There are 42 days left in my life as I've come to know it. And I am in desperate need of my Jehovah-shalom.

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5:1-5


  1. I remember reading your post when you couldn't believe that April 2010 was going to be your court date. Time both flies and drags on.

  2. praying for your peace. jehovah-jireh....your provider will give you what you stand in need of. stand strong...i am amazed at your strength through all of it. praying for the next 42 days and beyond.

  3. We are praying for you. I wish I could snap my fingers or wiggle my nose and make this all just end for you. I know what ever the out come is, God is in control.

  4. I love the poem (or song?) at the beginning of the true. I'm so glad God is holding you up right now! I will be praying for you and Matthew and everyone...God hold your hand over this trial and let no outcome but the one that is GOOD and PERFECT come to pass. In Jesus' powerful Name, AMEN.

  5. Thank you for sharing this Lori! The verse was much needed today in my own life. Please know that although I don't often comment, we follow you closely and pray everyday for your family and for God's will for Matthew. I cannot fathom what it is you are going through, but we pray God will be faithful to you and your family through all of this and that His will and His faithfullness to you will be to have that beautiful boy safely in your arms for the rest of your life!

  6. Oh you have whetted my appetite for prayer for your family. Trust in Him!

    My blog is about finding joy in trials- maybe some of it may be of use to you, although my focus isn't adoption, the Word is true for all painful trials of not knowing the end in the beginning. I would be honored. Http://

  7. You go, girl. Love surrounds you.
    Prayer lifts you up to the throne of His grace. Faith makes your face shine. Hope does not disappoint.
    Love ya. --Joyce

  8. this renewed my purpose in needing to pray for you. resting in His peace for you, my sister in Christ.

  9. Easton and I pray for you and your family every night before I put him in his crib.

    You guys are in my thoughts daily and I pray that the outcome is what we all want for you. I cannot imagine what it is you are feeling but hope that you can find peace and enjoy this time with your family.