Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Donkeys and Elephants and Snakes, Oh My!

A couple thoughts about the RNC. First of all, why an elephant? And for that matter, why a Democratic donkey? I am sure that there is a logical and historical explanation but I don't feel like putting out the effort to research it. I generally think Laura Bush seems like a lovely person. So I almost feel like she should be off limits on my blog. But then she goes and says, "Let me tell you a little bit about the man I love." Her voice drips with something that sounds like southern hospitality and warm grits. And then I wonder how difficult it is knowing that your husband has such a cruddy approval rating. Just as I start feeling sorry for them, she says the word mosquito. Except she says moskeeta and I have to roll my eyes. I can't decide if it's endearing or annoying. Later, her husband goes off on a tangent about how he had a picture of a west Texas mountain with a rising sun on his wall and I wonder, what is that all about? I don't feel like it has a whole heck of a lot to with the Republican Convention. Later, Fred Thompson explained that being able to field dress a moose is a good skill for a Vice President to have. This makes me wonder if I ought to start hunting now in preparation for Troy's stint in the White House. I mean, I won't be the VP, but if it's such a good political quality, perhaps the first lady should also possess it.
Earlier today I was all set to post a blog about how my kiddo made me take him swimming at 10 am when the temperature outside was a blazing hot and steamy 65 degrees. But then, as I was checking something on the laptop, I glanced down and noticed a snake crawling out of the wall right next to the fireplace. It was itty bitty. We have a gas fireplace and I am seriously concerned that there is an entire nest under there. I like snakes as much as the next Fierce Mom of Boy but even I draw the line at snakes nesting in my home. This snake is so tiny that, after determining it was not going to bite me and inject vast amounts of venom into my body, I decided that we must keep it. Here it is in a tiny, children's size cup.

And here it is after I convinced my husband that, yes, having a snake is in our best interest and yes, it is all fun and games.

Originally I told my father and my husband that he was about five inches long. He is longer than that. I'd guess that, if stretched out, he's probably closer to seven or eight inches. But he is so skinny! His head is about the size of half of a dime. And by that I don't mean that it's the size of a nickle. Those gold fish are the smallest ones that the Petco worker could fish out of the feeder tank. The snake has stared directly at them and then slithered away so I do not know what that's about. The pet store was out of meal worms because, apparently, meal worm farms are having some kind of shortage. So, thinking that the snake might not eat the fish, I bought a cup full of red wigglers. Let me tell you that said snake wants nothing to do with them. He's much more interested in his new digs. If he doesn't eat within a couple of days, I'll let him go because I don't want to be responsible for his juvenile death. When I asked Garrett what we should name him, the conversation went like this:
Garrett: Sssss
Me: We can't name him Sssss. That's what you named the last snake we found. Why don't you think of something else.
Garrett: Mommy! (If you recall, this was also his second idea for the former snake, who was released.)
Me: But he's so tiny. He's a baby. We probably shouldn't name him Mommy.
Garrett: BABY!
Me: We should name him Baby?
Garrett: Yeah.
But I don't want a snake named Baby. I think it's weird and a little creepy. So I'm taking suggestions. Jon--I already thought of Snakey so there's no need to suggest that one. On the off chance that this snake starts consuming gold fish or red wigglers, he (or she) will need a name. Literary references are always great. I also really like names that come from the Bible but, being that this is a snake, all I can think of is Serpent and, well, that gives me the hebejebees. And it's just so tiny and cute and lovable and not at all crafty and deceptive. Well, crafty maybe. Anyway, send me your suggestions and let's hope together that he starts eating because I spent ten dollars on the terrarium.


  1. It is so time for you to move. Snakes coming out of the wall? Tiny, little, infant snakes. There's probably more. It will grow, you know. Right out of that tank you have it in. Can you tell I am not a snake Mama?

  2. Your cat probably brought it to you like the birds. This has happened to many people I know with cats who like to bring love offerings to their owners. What a sweet kitty you have. She must really love you. My favorite name suggestions are to find the word "snake" in another language. That's always fun. What's the name of the snake in the disney movie Robin Hood- Sir Hiss. Or Kaa isn't that the name of the snake in Jungle Book. Well let me know. Have fun naming.

  3. No, not Snakey. Just Snake. It's quite fun to name pets their animal names. So, there is one vote for Snake.
    "What Heather, you second that? Okay, two votes for Snake."
    "No I don't"
    "Okay, she doesn't."
    Heather then suggested the letters I had to type to make this comment. Therefore, meet your new friend Badyfnar!
    She now suggests Nemo, but worries Garrett will get confused.

  4. Be careful, if he/she is that tiny, it may get right out of it's new digs. How about Slither?

  5. what if the mama snake comes looking for baby snake? i offer two name suggestions: lilliput (literary ref. to the small size), and former naked demoniac (biblical reference to demons being cast out and snakes being a symbol of evil). unfortunately, both are probably beyond garrett's current verbal skills. so i will throw in a third, bruce (shark from nemo - sharks and snakes are both scary).

  6. What's wrong with Snakey? I like Snakey. We would call lit Snakey.