By and large, Olympic sports announcers drive me completely crazy. I'd mute my television but then we'd be sitting in silence listening only to the sound of our own exhaling and I'd miss the grunts of defeat and the shrieks of success emitted from the depths of the athletes. Oddly enough, swimming announcers bother me the least. I find this surprising given the fact that I know, by far, the most about that particular sport. I'm sure that, on occasion, they've said ridiculous things such as, "If he drowns here, he probably won't medal." For the most part, however, they seem to be the less annoying of all announcers.
Take, for example, the announcers during last night's Men's Beach Volleyball final. There was, in fact, a moment when the words, "He really Sizzled his pits," were uttered. Actually I can't remember if that's exactly what it was or not because Troy and I have taken to using the phrase completely out of context ever since. Not that it made any sense in the original context. I know that pits and sizzle were definitely part of the sentence though. Now maybe this is some well known volleyball term and it should have made total sense to me. But, alas, I am not the supreme volleyball player in these parts or any other parts for that matter. Typically if I see a volleyball coming my way I start picking at my nails and assure my teammates that even though it is headed right for me it is their responsibility to get it. Immediately. Preferably before it hits me. All I know is that I stopped breathing momentarily and I looked at my husband who was looking at me.
Me: Did he just say something about sizzling pits?
T: That's what I heard.
Me: What does that even mean?
T: I have no idea.
Me: But I heard it right?
T: I'm pretty sure.
Me: I hate announcers.
But my favorite thing--as in not favorite at all because it is so annoying--is when they make comments that any individual who has ever watched even a moment of sports would know.
Track: "If he can get a good start and run the best race of his life and not hit any hurdles and cross the finish line first, and he doesn't disqualify, he'll be your gold medalist.*" -Really? You don't say.
Diving: Whispering very quietly as though we are hanging on every word she utters, "If she can stick this dive she'll win.*" -Hmmm, now see, since she was leading to begin with you'd think I would have been able to figure that out myself. It's not the college degree. It's not even the high school diploma, really. It's based on knowledge I acquired sometime around, oh I don't know, kindergarten.
Gymnastics: "Now all she has to do is stick the dismount.*" -I'm no gymnast but the fact that you've been saying all along that it's been a perfect performance would have led me to the same conclusion.
I realize that they need filler phrases and that, without their brilliant insight, there would be a lot of silence but actually, I'd be alright with that.
I have to admit that it has been fun to think of alternate ways to apply the Sizzling Pits phrase. I think it should be the new He/She makes me weak in the knees. Because let's face it. No one really says that anymore, do they? So instead, I vote to replace it with Man, he/she sure makes my pits sizzle.
Oh crud. I just looked up the term and, apparently, Sizzle the pits is a low, hard spike that travels under the blocker's arms. I'd feel like an idiot but I don't want to waste any energy on that. Rather, I suppose the announcer should have explained that to me. I mean, he was busy coming up with a lot of other junk to say to fill up space, why not give me the definition of a good old-fashioned pit sizzle.
*Not actual quotes, just reminiscent of things I feel like I've heard during the past few days. I'd have more, mind you, but I was on vacation for the first week.