Sunday, August 21, 2011




I mean really, really soon.

Many of my friends have gone before me and they've all survived. They've done it with grace. Some of them have embraced it, even.

I'm not doing so well with it. I'm about ready to pitch a big fit, in fact. Not that the alternative is a better option. It's just that, in a couple of weeks, I am going to go to bed and when I wake up I'll be thirty. I still remember when thirty was old.

I've been trying to reflect on why I feel like throwing a big tantrum. I think I've figured it out.

I always thought I'd be something really great by thirty.

I wanted to be a talented actress or a published writer or, at the very least, teaching the classics to a room of high school students. And I guess the overachiever in me feels, well, underachieved.

I'm trying.

To be excited about leaving my twenties behind.

To remember that I certainly could have, at the very least, been teaching a room of high school students by now. That I chose to be home raising my men, every moment. That I have dreams not realized but they pale in comparison to the joy of being with my boys.

And I'm learning a really big lesson. You see, I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. (Galatians 2:20)

I'm trying to learn that nothing else matters. Christ lives in me. If I live a life of extreme faith, that's enough. If I'm present and engaged in the lives of my boys, that's enough. It doesn't matter if I'm 29 or 30. If I'm being intentional and radical for God nothing else matters.

But it wouldn't hurt if you could remind me of that on September 8.


  1. Totally know how you feel. I had my quarter life crises at 27. I thought I would be successful in every way by then. Ha. Far from it.

    Now that I am beyond 30, I can honestly say I'm grateful for any time God gives me to live and learn. Whatever that looks like.

    Happy Birthday! But not yet. :)

  2. Strangely enough 25 was rough for me.... then 30 was fine.... but 40? 40 was really weird. And. Tough.
    Now I'm 42.
    It's still weird.
    I love the 40's though.....
    even BETTER than the 30's.
    So you have something to look forward to. :)

  3. You know what really reconciled me to the idea of getting closer and closer to thirty?

    We do not expire when we hit thirty!!!!! :-D

    Think about it, how many people have made their impact AFTER turning thirty? Or forty, or fifty? People don't expire. God will use us no matter what our age.

  4. 30 is awesome... just so long as you can go ahead and keep right on looking and feeling 25. And I think you can if I can. Also, G totally looks like your brother (or the back of him) to me in that picture.... although, I don't really know why I think that.

  5. The reason you feel like you haven't "done" enough is because our society devalues, if not is outright hostile towards being a stay at home mom. Being a stay at home mom is a great accomplishment.

  6. Stumbled onto your blog via the LPM blog. Enjoyed reading several of your posts. I just had to say that I LOVE the picture of your two boys, hand in hand. Simply beautiful. They are blessed to be yours. God bless you as you turn 30, and beyond. You have achieved far more than you realize. Thank you for being such a beautiful example of Christ's love in motion.