The Final Barf Installment

Wow. Thank you all for your advice. I even got some emails offering other helpful--and sometimes not helpful--solutions. Of course, the best piece of advice I received was from my brother who used to torture me when I was throwing up as a kid by saying things like, "Hey, do you want a big, giant, juicy hamburger with a slice of pepperoni pizza on top?" To this day, when I get the stomach flu, I have visions of the greasiest foods pounding through my head and I blame my dumb well educated brother.

So, anyway, here's what he had to say:

Hold your breath, starting with ten seconds, and increasing in ten second increments until you reach one minute. After that, gargle some saltwater mixed with minced garlic. Hop up and down on one foot for 8 seconds. And lastly, hop on a plane bound for San Diego. Drive east on Interstate 8 to El Cajon. See our apartment. And then, you're cured!

Good golly. After all these years of wondering how to make it stop the answer is saltwater. And garlic--which will taste delicious mixed with vomit. Then I get to hop up and down and fly on a plane. It just doesn't get better than that when my stomach is busy doing the tango with the rest of my internal organs. Oh boy.

And now, if you'd like, we can move on from talk of barf.

What should we talk about? Hmmm...yeah. I got nothin'.