Friday, August 21, 2009

Ten Years

My reunion is next weekend and last night, as I thought about it, I almost started hyperventilating. It had nothing to do with the reunion itself, mind you. But, as I was lying there in the Salt Lake county heat with a fan blowing straight onto my shoulders it really hit me. This is not a two year reunion. It's not even a five or six year reunion. This is TEN years. When I graduated from high school, if I'd looked back ten years I would have been gazing at a seven-year-old. A whole lot happens between 7 and 17.

A whole lot happens between 17 and 27.

Maybe that is what has me so disturbed. Perhaps it seems impossible that ten whole years have gone by when I remember them all so clearly. I remember graduating. I can acutely recall that tingly feeling of nostalgia and angst and excitement all rolled into a ball and placed somewhere underneath my mortarboard. We all said we'd be back for the reunion. Even then, as I said the words, I wondered why so many people don't go to theirs. I figured there had to be some truth to the statement that after ten years of growth and change have happened, you just don't care. But even as I figured on that, I couldn't believe I'd ever reach that point in my own life. Truthfully, I debated. I live two states away, it costs a crudload of money I don't have, and it was planned for three weeks before I have to be back in California for my brother's wedding. Obviously a reunion doesn't hold a candle to my only sibling getting married. But in the end I had to decide to go. In the end, I'm very protective of my seventeen-year-old self. That girl would have walked right up to me and slapped me in the face if I decided not to go. (Okay, she was not a slapper but she definitely would have been all passive aggressive on me.) That girl would have asked me if my word meant nothing.

But I wish I hadn't made that promise to her because she didn't realize how it was going to make me feel. She didn't comprehend that, ten years later, the idea of a high school reunion would make me feel so old. She had no idea what it meant to be barrelling toward 30. She didn't know that she'd be lying in bed with her husband next to her and her boys asleep across the hall wondering how it went from lockers and swim meets and football games and slumber parties and English class to wedding vows and diapers and mashed carrots and legal fees. That seventeen-year-old had no idea that the thought of a TEN year reunion could induce hives. The 27-year-old is hoping that all the other 17 and 18 turned 27 and 28-year-olds are grappling with it the same way. She's hoping that this seems somewhat overwhelming for everyone. She's secretly hoping that everyone else is as old and frumpy as she is.

And she's wondering if she ought to go on an eight day fast and then conjure up some story about inventing post-its.

10 comments:

  1. My 10 year reunion was this summer. I had a little bit of a different feeling about going - never saw myself doing it 10 years ago, but felt torn when it actually came up last spring.

    Went, we did and it ended up being a lot of fun. It's funny how much has happened in 10 years and how much you can pick things up right back where you were (in a good way).

    Facebook has really changed the way things like this work too. So many more people are "in touch" because of it than they would be otherwise.

    Have fun!

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  2. oh my gosh, LOVED your reference to romy & michelle, for some odd reason i adore that movie!

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  3. HAHA, Post-Its! Or the quick-burning paper on the cigarettes for women on the go. But that doesn't really sound like you.

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  4. Very well said Lori. I feel *exactly* the same way. Even after reading your blog my heart is pounding because I am thinking about the reunion. I think about "what have I done with myself over the last 10 yrs". I know people are going to ask (maybe). So what is my answer going to be? I honestly have no idea. I am looking forward to getting caught up with friends from high school days.. including you!

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  5. If you go on a 4 day fast no one will be able to see you because you will be so skinny. Aren't you already going back thinner then when you graduated? The best part of my reunion was the people who didn't age well. They were the ones you would least suspect.

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  6. How do 10 years go by so quickly?! Hope you have a great time! Mine left much to be desired...I sure hope yours turns out better!

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  7. now that i can't go, i kind of wish i were going. my bro and his gf are coming to visit next weekend and i found out the night i was planning on buying my ticket. i had to check my e-mail to get to the website and in my inbox was an e-mail from my dad with the details for my bro's trip and the dinner we will all be sharing. it's tough, because i know i will always see my family, but this version of my family hasn't all been together since my dad's wedding 7 years ago. :( wish i could see you and open the time capsule like we planned!

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  8. Your Mom is right. If you fast for days you will disappear.

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  9. I'm sad I'll be missing out on the reunion, too! Only half the LOOPS! We'll have to try for the next one, for sure. I hope you have a great time...and no, a fast might not be a good idea...

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  10. I wish I could go, but I think the 40 hours+ of travel time is making it much less exciting. I think where you have come in ten years is incredible! Please get all the good stories for us and blog away about it. (don't save anything for yourself!!!)

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