When Troy and I were newly married, my aunt and uncle bestowed dozens of children's movies upon us for any future Doozleberry's. We've been working our way through them with The Rock Star.
Last night we were one minute and fifty seconds into the movie when an adorable little baby gorilla found himself on the losing end of a battle with a leopard. They dove into the bushes to avoid cartoon carnage but I could tell by the way the mother gorilla was mourning that Pee Wee Gorilla was no more. I thought my barely three-year-old might not pick up on it.
But he was watching the leopard chase the baby with a great deal of interest and, when he jumped into the bush and the leopard closely followed, all Hades broke out on my couch.
G: Oh no, mommmmmmmy! He ATE him!
Me: Oh did he? (You try thinking up something clever while simultaneously realizing that your son's idea of how the world works has just been shattered.)
G: Yeeeeesssss! Ohwahahwhashahahahahsfsjfksfhwuhhwuerhwhasaaahhhhh! OOhhhhhhhhh. No. Wahahahahahahahhahahahahahaha. AAAAHHHHHHHH!
He yelled the above line while sobbing his sweet, innocent little head off. I had been on the floor with Little Buddy and I flew to my older son's side. He buried his wet face onto my chest. I tried explaining that the Mama Gorilla would get a new baby. I decided not to explain the bloody paw prints in Tarzan's treehouse. I said the gorilla was just playing in the bushes. With the leopard. Why? Because I am not above
"Then where is he?"
"Oh. Um. Right there." Because by then the song had ended and another baby appeared. It was, you know, a completely different color than the first but that didn't seem to phase The Rock Star.
"Are you sure that's the same baby?"
"Pretty sure." Or not. Not at all the same. That first baby gorilla is nothing but bones lying in a heap under a bush. Luckily someone called and Troy relayed the story in time for him to explain that another bad scene was coming. We told Garrett it was over.
What is wrong with Disney? Seriously. Dead mothers strewn about. Gorilla bodies everywhere. Intact families no where to be seen. Evil Siamese cats. Is there no end to the madness?