Wednesday, September 28, 2011

The Battle Belongs to the Lord

Last night I ended up at the after hours clinic. Late in the afternoon I called to ask the nurse if she thought it was a reaction to the flu shot. She suspected that it could be but thought the doctor should see me anyway--especially when I mentioned that I had a conference this weekend. The doctor looked in my ears, which weren't hurting. He looked at my throat, which wasn't hurting. He listened to my lungs--which felt fine. Then he asked whether anyone in my house had been sick and diagnosed me with, nothing really.

He said he thought I was trying to fight off a common cold and having some kind of slight reaction to the flu vaccine. I left with a prescription for Prednisone but when the doctor started explaining side effects to me I asked if I might take Ibuprofen first and see if it worked. He thought that sounded like a good idea. He'd already told me that Prednisone might cause me to have difficulty sleeping and might make me bloated.

I had an image of myself, extremely swollen and bearing dark circles under my eyes, shuffling up to the stage on Saturday morning. In the image I was also incredibly disheveled, although I think that was more a product of my imagination than anything.

I did fill the prescription today just in case I needed a heavy weight in my corner come Saturday but I have no intention of taking it. I looked up all the possible side effects on the Internet and I really don't want to deal with any of them.

Headache- I don't want one. I've had enough lately.

Dizziness- Onstage? I'd likely topple off. I'm not coordinated anyway and falling off the stage is always a distinct possibility.

Difficulty falling asleep- I don't want to be tired. Enough said.

Inappropriate Happiness- The idea of inappropriate happiness makes me inappropriately happy. I have images of hysterical laughter while everyone in attendance shifts awkwardly in her seat and gives a sideways glance to the woman seated next to her.

Extreme changes in mood- "Which conference was that again?" Betsy asked her friend. "The one where the speaker laughed hysterically for no good reason and then burst into tears," Wanda responded.

Changes in Personality- See Extreme changes in mood.

Bulging Eyes- Yeah, that's, just, never good.

Acne- I still deal with a honkin' zit here or there as it is. I do not need acne. Although, this conference is open to teens so maybe they'd feel more connected.

Thin, fragile skin- I'd have to make sure not to talk too animatedly with my know, out of fear that my thin, fragile skin might go flying off.

Red or purple blotches or lines under the skin- I'd have invest in a lot of flesh colored concealer to handle that one.

Slowed healing of cuts and bruises- I'm not planning on getting cut and/or bruised while speaking but, well, you never know.

Increased hair growth- Where? A long luxurious mane just in time for the conference would be fine. Unless it was on my face.

Changes in the way fat is spread around the body- Sign me up. Not.

Extreme tiredness- See Difficulty Falling Asleep

Weak muscles- "Can I get a chair up here? I've been speaking for five minutes and my muscles are incredibly fatigued." And, wait, this is like a side effect akin to what I'm trying to cure.

Irregular or absent menstrual periods- I have PCOS so what else is new? In this case would two negatives come together and make a positive?

Decreased sexual desire- Well. Now. This one wouldn't really effect the outcome of the conference. To my knowledge.

Heartburn- I get heartburn with some regularity and I can say that I'd prefer for it to stay completely away from me during any and all conferences.

Increased sweating- Okay so we've established that we're not taking this little gem of a medication. I'd much rather have an aching body than be known as Pit Mark Girl.

Since the doctor didn't really diagnose me with anything to speak of, I diagnosed myself with a case of Spiritual Warfare. Sometimes Satan doesn't even try to be subtle. When I said aloud that I wasn't going to let some severe muscle pain stop me from preparing, he threw something else at our family. I might have to put oil on my socks and walk circles around myself. But my God will have the victory.

2 Chronicles 20:15 "...Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s."


  1. Oh, please stop! The images are so hilarious. I need to come to this conference. When they cart you off in a little white coat with your arms tied behind your back because of the manic laughter.....well, it's just something your mom needs to witness. Seriously, you know that Satan is soooo annoyed right now. He hates being laughed at. Praying that God will literally knock the socks off of all the women who attend through you! Love you!

  2. Your cousin just yelled at me because she can't concentrate on her homework while I laugh out loud at your blog. So that makes it all your fault if she fails any tests tomorrow. Hope you feel better soon, and thanks for the good laugh!

  3. I got a serious case of the giggles...and I'm not even taking um, whatever that was (I have medical terminology phobias) Anyway...out of all that, I get heartburn all the time too - try putting lemon juice in your helps! A few other side effects, but nothing worse than a good cleaning out ;)

  4. Too funny!! Hope you feel better! I'm still waiting for you to speak at a conference on the east coast so I can come!

  5. I had to take prednisone once for bronchitis and I was HYPER. It was nuts.

    Feel better! :-)

  6. Hahaha! Love this post so much! Those side effects always freak me out, but you made them so funny, especially "Inappropriate happiness"?? What in the world? Hahaha!