Thursday, September 3, 2009

'Til Death Do You Part

I've been sitting here vacillating between a post about my son's incredible outburst at the doctor's this morning and a post dedicated to my brother and my future sister-in-law. In the end I decided the details of the doctor's appointment can wait. Much to my chagrin, all of that pediatric magic will still have happened if I wait until tomorrow. The Rock Star will still have kicked the nurse practitioner. My shirt will have still come unbuttoned as he clawed at it. My bra will still have stared at her for a good five minutes before I realized that my son had undressed me. And Matthew will still be having a follow up appointment next month because of the fact that he's in the 4% for length and the 10% for weight and we might have to start worrying about why the heck he's itty bitty.

For now: Marriage.

Dear Jon & Heather,

I don't know much. It's only been six years and, as someone told me lately, six years is nothing. Six years is barely married. I've got a long, long way to go before I've got anything really figured out. I'm not a marriage counselor. I'm not perfect. Neither, surprisingly, is Troy. But we've never been divorced so I guess that's something. In seventeen days you will be married. You'll be no more or less married if your wedding sails perfectly into the coastal air than you will be if everything goes wrong. You'll still wake up on September 21 as kid brother man and wife. You'll wake up with bad breath and bobby pins sticking out of the top of your head (Heather, not Jon...I hope.) and smeared mascara and maybe even stinky armpits. But you'll wake up wearing wedding bands and that's what matters. Then you will go off on your honeymoon and the world will sing harmonious songs of love and perfection and nothing will ever come between you and that floating on air feeling you'll have pulsing through your being.

But then he'll leave the toilet seat up in the middle of the night and she'll fall in at 5:15 am and badly bruise her hip and I am not talking from experience at all. I'm just saying that, hypothetically, something like that might happen. And her hair will clog the drain and he'll leave shaved off facial hair in the sink and one day, in the not so distant future, someone will storm into another room and away from the argument at hand.

I know you know that marriage is work. There will be disagreements. There will be fights both petty and serious. But through all of that, there will be a phenomenal love that grows incredibly with time. Not with every passing day, but with every sorrow and every joy that you experience as one. And if you work really hard at it, six years from now you will sit across from each other and almost be able to know what the other is thinking. And if you work really hard at it, six years from now you'll love each other in a way you can't even imagine right now--at this moment in time.

Jon- Love her. Tell her every day how wonderfully exquisite she is. Don't just read Ephesians 5:25-33, live it. And don't just live it, live it well. Be her protector. Be her best friend. Be her knight in shining armor. Do not sweat the small stuff. And it is true, a lot of it is small stuff.

Heather- Love him. Respect him. Honor him. Don't just read Proverbs 31:10-12, live it. And don't just live it, live it well. Be his partner. Be his best friend. Be his princess. Allow him to be your knight in shining armor. Do not sweat the small stuff. And it is true, a lot of it is small stuff.

Pray. Even when you know you're right. Pray anyway. Follow each other to the ends of the earth. Talk everything out. Beat a dead horse if you have to. Love each other but love the Lord first. Grow in Him and you will grow together. Dance in the living room, love without limits, share your heart and your souls from day one until the very end. Expect growing pains but know that those pains make you bigger, better and stronger.

I can't wait to stand with you on your very special day. (I sincerely hope my three-year-old doesn't kick anyone on his way down the aisle.) I am so excited for your wedding but I am even more thrilled about what the future holds. May God bless your union.



  1. The bra staring episode caught me in a flat out hysterical giggle, but the superb words that followed took my breath away. You are sooooo good with words and it all is sooooo true!



  3. I would add: learn each others love language. That will explain A LOT of what makes each other tick. Keep working at your marriage. Don't think the premarital counseling covers it all. Don't ever think you know it all and don't need to keep learning about your spouse and about marriage. It is a grand adventure. J

  4. Thank you for the advice and example you have set. We know it will be work, but it always helps to hear from others who are in the middle of the work it takes.

  5. What a beautiful letter to your brother and soon to be sister in law. Congrats!

  6. Thank you for writing that Lori. It's very good advice, and was really sweet too.

  7. Beautiful and hilarious. Sorry about our (hypothetical) hip. lol