Monday, September 7, 2009

Facts, Conversation & A Little Something For Your Viewing Pleasure

Happy Labor Day. Mom, I'm sorry that 28 years ago you were actually in labor. Geez. That had to hurt. Especially since it was all 23 hours long and stuff. Or something like that. I don't actually remember. I was really little. Like, you know, negative one day. But then I came out, the next day, on September 8th. And I was a girl. Who knew that 28 years later my son would be so disappointed in that fact...

G: Mom, do you have a penis?
Me: No.
G: Why not?
Me: Because I'm a girl.
G: How do we make you into a boy?
Me: We don't.
G: Why?
Me: Because God made me a girl.
G: I want you to be a boy.
Me: Well, if I was boy, I wouldn't be mommy.
G: We could bring another girl in here to be mommy.
Me: Oh. Am I that easily replaceable?
G: (crawling up next to me on the couch and grabbing a fistful of my hair) First we have to get rid of all this girly hair.
Me: Garrett, stop, don't mess up my hair. I don't like that.
G: But it's the only way to make you a boy.

I would leave you with only that little gem of a conversation but you might be left wanting. So, here's a question. Hey, Mom, what would you do if Jon and I busted this out at his reception?

Or, more importantly, Heather, would you ask for an immediate annulment?


  1. THE ROUTINE! You should totally do it.

  2. Why can I totally see you and Jon doing something like that?!!! Your mom would turn about 50 shades of red! I think it would get everyone on the dance floor!

  3. Actually, I don't think I would turn red, but I sure would laugh. Go for it!

  4. I love this episode. It was one of my favorites. Thanks for sharing.

  5. I already got my part down. You been practicing?

  6. OK, everyone else is commenting on the video, however, I'm more concerned that Garrett want's you to have a sex change. . .


  7. Your son cracks me up! Did you ask him WHY he'd rather you were a boy? Maybe its some kind of backward compliment..?