Friday, June 6, 2008

More On Troy's Presidency

Happy Birthday to my husband! Today we slept in until 8:40 because our son is seriously the best sleeper ever. (Although, right now he is flat refusing to take a nap. After sitting in his crib talking and squirming for over an hour, I put him in with Troy--who is taking a birthday nap.) Then we got up and went to a museum of ancient history. Think dinosaur skeletons and a bunch of hands on things for little kids--and big kids. Troy and I decided, while playing in this sand/water/toy dinosaur area, that we actually have the collective age of eleven and a half. Tonight we are taking an Uncrustable to Joe's Crab Shack for dinner. Although, Garrett really likes seafood so he might be eating less peanut butter and jelly and more crab. After that there is a delicious looking caramel turtle ice cream cake in the freezer. It's a bit strange to be away from extended family on Troy's birthday but we're having a good day.

There seems to have been overwhelming support in regards to Troy and me taking the White House by storm. For those of you who may be concerned because you aren't sure what Troy actually believes, let me tell you that he is a Republican but when we got married I was registered with that donkey party so he certainly doesn't have a problem fraternizing with Democrats. I am now registered Independent but I'm fairly certain that our cat is a Democrat so we've got the whole spectrum covered here in the *Doozleberry household. I think that's all you really need to know, right? I mean, do we know any more about Obama? Oh, Troy is also old enough to legally be the President but not so old that he might flop over dead before he actually takes office. By that I mean, two of him put together doesn't equal the age of Senator McCain. And as my mother pointed out, if he uttered the words, "I did not have _______ ________ with that woman..." it would be because he really didn't.

But more on how awesome I would be as the First Lady because, let's face it, what I would do in the White House is so much more interesting than what Troy would do. But I'm still eight years away from being old enough to run. Let's just say that there would, inevitably, be a naked little boy streaking down the hallway and straight into the "china room" where he would slam into one of the displays containing dishes belonging to the Truman's or something. His mother, a.k.a. The First Lady, would come screeching after him, probably with poop on her hands, demanding that he, "COME HERE RIGHT THIS INSTANT YOU LITTLE PRESIDENTIAL SPAWN!" This same naked china breaking boy would be seen on the lawn in a wading pool, his mother sprawled out on a towel catching some District of Columbia rays. She'd be wearing a bathing suit--not a business suit. Business suits make me feel old. I might own two or three if I happened to be the first lady but mostly I'd wear a good pair of jeans or a cute sundress. I'd invite my friends over for chick flicks and when they wondered what that really loud noise outside was I'd be all, "Oh that. That's just my husband coming in on Airforce One." And then they'd be like, "Your husband is the President of the United States." And I'd say, "I KNOW! And we totally go to Camp David all the time!" And we'd squeal. Also, I would go to important dinners and then whine about how, "Can we please go get a burger? That small pile of goo on my plate, the one that cost 1,400 dollars, was not good at all." I would totally still wear flip flops all the time. And the Secret Service would knock on the door and I'd be in my pajamas and I so would not even care. Also, I'd have a cool nickname. You know how the President, at least in movies, is always referred to by the Secret Service as Liberty? I'd make them call me something like Mary Poppins. So when I went from one room to another room they'd whisper into their super secret watch walkie-talkie, "Mary Poppins is moving." I might change my name every day, just to keep them on their toes. I'd put on plays, too. Troy would be like, "Hey, members of the FBI and the CIA, you need to come and see my wife's play tonight." Because I am quite certain that this would be one of their top priorities. And I'd make the White House chef serve me Shirley Temples and ice cream whenever I felt like it. And you all could come over to the White House and play with me whenever you wanted to. I'd probably let your toddler run around naked, too. Or play slip 'n slide on the lawn. Because I'm totally low key like that.

*Names have once again been changed. This time to protect the future President of the United States of America


  1. I SO would vote for Troy for president! Tell the old fart that we said happy birthday! I would vote for him because he's BY FAR the best candidate (if he really was one!) Mainly, though, I think you being first lady would be the coolest thing ever, and then we could be like "we're going to the white house for the weekend!" Way too cool..... I guess that would make me the "first aunt"!!!

  2. I sooooo want to be the First Mother-In-Law and Grandmother to the Presidential Spawn. I could totally picture coming to the White House and giggling with you because we were IN the "white house." We would be so 15. I actually think that if more presidents were still young and actually breathing, and had kidlets running around on the lawn that the US would be a much better place. I vote for Troy and Lori and mainstream America.

  3. This makes me wonder...why must politicians always be so dressed up? Why not debate in sweat pants and an undershirt? I don't take you more seriously because you wear a suit. In fact, it makes me think you have no idea about real life. All you know is fancy dinners, SIG's, and speeches you didn't even write. I'd vote for President T-Money. And I'd come live in the White House, because, let's face it, I'm very poor and you would have at least one extra room. I'd refrain from streaking with Garrett. At least while you were in the line of sight.
    Secret Service Guys: "Spawn and Uncle Fart are at it again! Avert your eyes, boys, avert your eyes!" Hehe, I'm like five years old.