We understand that Jennifer could change her mind. But we feel like we have no choice but to prepare for this baby the same way we'd prepare if I found out that I, myself, was eight months pregnant. After all, there are never really any guarantees. So yesterday, when we boarded the plane, my son and I had a conversation.
Garrett: My baby?
Me: Where is your baby?
Garrett: Dat lady's tummy.
Me: That's right.
Garrett: Want my baby now!
Me: Your baby needs to cook a little longer.
Not long after, he fell asleep. When he woke up in a groggy state he searched my face and then said, "Want my baby." Me too, buddy. Me too.
It's a weird sort of thing, this business of adoption. Part of me wanted to get home as soon as possible so that I could set up the Pack n' Play--where the baby will sleep for his first few months, wash tiny onesies, and get out the baby bathtub. All of me wanted to glue myself to Jennifer's side so that I wouldn't spend another minute away from him. Leaving my child--even if he isn't actually mine yet--seemed somehow heart wrenching. In a way I want the last eight months back. I want to rewind back to May when we first started our adoption process (and coincidentally* when Jennifer conceived our son) and pray, specifically, for him every single day. But, in a way, I want the next few weeks to fly so that he and I are never separated again.
He is our Gift of God.
When we filed with The Organization We're Adopting From, I went all maniacal on my husband and was like, "Dude, we have to pick a name right now! What if we get picked right away and we don't have a name? It would be the end of the world and meteors would rain down and oh the humanity!" Our girl name was no problem. It's been in place since the middle of my pregnancy with Garrett. Our boy name, on the other hand, was completely undecided. Somehow I convinced my husband to look at names with me, however premature and psychotic I was being. After quite some time we had it narrowed down to three but that is where we were stuck.
But one of them meant Gift of God. Because he will be our treasure, our joy, our gift sent from above and our gift handed to us by his birth mother, we chose that one. Meaning Beloved, he will share his middle name with his father.
Our second son (unless, of course, he's actually a she) will be given the name:
*Coincidence?!?! I think not. "Looking back I see the lead of love..."