Wednesday, August 29, 2012


So, this thing where he chews the inside of his cheeks off to avoid smiling simply isn't going away. When I picked him up from school yesterday he was the very last kid in the long line of kindergartners to be belched from the halls into the blinding sun. I was starting to think he'd been captured by the jaws of kindergarten never to be returned to us. When he finally did appear, he had his arms crossed and was, very clearly, biting his cheeks.

"How was school?" Troy asked.

"Great!" he said with a mouthful of cheek.

"Did you have to go to the principal's office?"

He released his face from his teeth. "Dad! No."

"Well what did you do?"

"I didn't talk at all!" Wait. What? Hold the phone. Garrett didn't talk. Clearly our actual son was abducted by aliens and replaced with this cheek chewing replica. Because, honestly, alien life forms kidnapping my child is a much more plausible scenario than the aforementioned child not talking.

I staggered.

"What? What do you mean you didn't talk?" He may as well have been speaking a foreign language. "Did you answer any questions?" I asked.

"Well, I did answer a couple but I was very quiet the rest of the time." So now I don't know if he's chewing his cheeks to keep the smile at bay or if he's gnawing on his face to keep from talking.

Today we got there earlier and he was able to run around the playground with a couple boys. One of them kept talking about his "squito bite" and showing Garrett his forearm. "Cool," Garrett said. But I honestly didn't see anything and I don't think Garrett did either. They resumed chasing each other around the space.

As soon as the bell rang my boy sprinted over to the wall, leaned against it, crossed his arms, sucked his cheeks in and bit down on them.

I have no earthly idea why.

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