Tuesday, December 11, 2007

The Nursery Is Gone

While I wouldn't be so stupid as to say that it won't happen, I'm not really homesick yet. I have an occasional wave of homenauseousness but so far I haven't had to put my head in the toilet. The weird part, the part that assures me that I am, indeed, a head case in need of therapy, is that the mere thought of one thing in particular makes an automatic lump form in my throat. I miss my son's room terribly. My sister-in-law (who will be temporarily renting our house) asked Troy if she could paint it. Troy said he would have to think about it. That was the last I heard on the subject until Troy informed me that he told her she could paint it but not to tell us. My mom didn't get the memo that it was a big secret and brought it up on the phone. I'm not mad at Troy for telling his sister she could paint it. I'm not mad at my sister-in-law for painting it. I'm certainly not mad at my mom for telling me what I already knew. It's just that for some reason, even with him and all of his stuff moving to Utah, it still felt like his room as long as it was blue. I sometimes feel like the worst mom for making him move. I know he's a toddler. I know he won't remember. I think that almost makes it worse. He won't remember that every Sunday after church he made my dad take him to the playground. He won't remember how he would take himself out in the backyard to play with the dog. He won't remember his blue room. The last few days have been difficult for him. When it's time for me to put him to bed, he clings to me and cries. I want, more than anything, to pull him close and let him sleep with me. I also know that I am not going to undo all of the hard work Troy and I have put in to not having a baby/toddler/six-year-old who sleeps with us. So, though my head isn't in the toilet yet, I have the occasional moment where all I want to do is transport myself back to early November. I want to sit in the glider in my baby's room and rock him. I want to have one more minute with the blue nursery.

5 comments:

  1. I am sooooo sorry that I told you Julie painted the nursery. Now you know why I made you keep your little girl wallpaper until you were a senior in high school. It had nothing at all to do with not wanted the mess of pulling it off the wall and everything to do with Barbies, Little Ponies, Quints etc. that had long since been boxed up. Just remember....home is where the heart is. I doubt very seriously that you remember your nursery in Santee and somehow you have managed to grow up reasonably sane. Again, I'm sooooo sorry I told you.

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  2. The first house we owned was the same house we brought Nathan home to. It held his first room and I worked for months in advance with my talented sister and my mother and many others to paint murals directly from the illustrations of the Narnia books.

    When we moved out we were, of course, quite behind. It was 2am and my 6 month old was just stashed in the corner asleep while we got everything out of our house. As I drove down my street for the very last time, I started sobbing. For I had met the bachelor we sold our house to. I knew it would be only a matter of days before my beloved nursery would be turned into a room for only God knows what. I had already asked David if he could cut out the drywall so we could take it with us. He said no and I am still mad at him. (Well, not so much anymore.) But I will say that to this day, I still miss Nathan's first room to this day.

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  3. That's so sad...no more sad posts - I don't want to have to think about everything that goes along with moving!!! I hate to think my little one won't remember certain things about daily rituals with the grandparents when we move away from them - that almost made me cry!

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  4. Dang, you make me sad sometimes. And I'm sad that the room is no longer blue. Especially since I helped get the asbestos-infested popcorn ceiling off. Oh well. Sometimes, I wish my room had CareBears on the walls. Not really, but I do think about my CareBears room every so often. At least he won't remember the blue room. Then he can't be sad. But you can do that for him.

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  5. i so hear you on this! moving sucks and it really does affect babies more than we know. tristan had a bit of difficulty getting used to our new place, especially with sleeping in his room at night. be patient with him and, though i know that you don't want to develop bad habits, a few extra snuggles may be just what he needs!

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