I want to thank all of you for your kind words and your support both now and when we were raising funds for Kate's adoption. I want to let you know that most of the adoption costs are paid up front and are used long before we ever actually adopt. We had taken out a substantial loan to pay for half of Kate's adoption. We still have to pay that back. God is in control of our finances and I am honestly not worried that He will provide. If anyone who reads this blog donated and needs his/her money back, I understand. Please send me an email.
That being said, on top of our legal fees, we are now paying for Kate's burial. A very good friend of mine started a Go Fund Me for Kate's burial costs. I did not ask her to, nor would I have asked anyone for money--we chose to do this. Because we cannot legally adopt her, we wanted to give her a place for her body to rest. I'm simply linking to it on my friend's behalf.
This morning I had the words of King David running through my mind. I didn't want to get out of bed and go to church. It's not that I minded the fact that I'd see people or that I'd listen to a sermon. It was the praise that I knew would be difficult. Not difficult because I didn't want to do it and not because I thought it would be hard to find a heart of worship but because I knew that whatever we sang was likely to cause the situation known as crying in public. A situation I attempt to avoid at all costs.
I didn't want to go to church. But I knew I needed to go.
2 Samuel 12:19-23
David noticed that his servants were whispering among themselves and he realized the child was dead. "Is the child dead?" he asked. "Yes," they replied, "he is dead." Then David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the LORD and worshiped. Then he went to his own house, and at his request they served him food, and he ate. His servants asked him, "Why are you acting this way? While the child was alive, you fasted and wept, but now that the child is dead, you get up and eat!" He answered, "While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, "Who knows? The LORD may be gracious to me and let the child live. But now that he is dead, why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me."
We will not bring Kate back. Not by wishing or hoping or praying or fasting. She will not return to us. But one day, we will go to her. In the meantime, we will continue to go into the house of the LORD to worship.
We remember that He is good. We remember that He is sovereign. We remember that we are His.