I now affectionately refer to Beth Moore as Wanda. This is, in large part, because I don't know her. I've spent enough Wednesdays with Wanda to gather that if we knew each other, and I tried to pull a stunt like calling her by her given name, she'd quote me some Scripture about what a bad friend I was being by calling her Wanda and then she'd punch me. She feisty, that one. I don't believe she's entirely above punching someone if the situation warrants it.
So this morning Wanda dove into the 4th chapter of Esther with wild abandon. A few things she said seemed to thwack me over the head. "One of the most important parts of fulfilling our destiny will be transparency."
But transparent is a very difficult thing for a pastor's wife to be. Transparency is not something we can just cloak ourselves with as we walk around being totally honest to each and every member of our congregation. It's part of the reason I've developed the idea that I should not, would not, could not cry in front of them. Because if I do, I have to explain why. And if I explain why there is going to be a lot of ministry stuff lying at their feet.
What I can say is that I am dealing with an issue in ministry right now that has me deeply grieved. I don't know how better to explain it than to call it grief. It sneaks up on me when I'm plugging along in my day and the sudden lump in my throat brings tears or I suddenly feel like my lungs aren't getting enough oxygen. I cannot really expand beyond that.
But what's important at this very moment, beyond the disappointment, beyond the sorrow and the grief, is that God has already used this pain in mighty ways. He's allowed me a small degree of transparency. And in that visibility He has ministered to me through friends. Good friends. They've offered insight and love. They've offered support. They've validated what we do here. And it isn't that I need validation for a ministry that the Lord led us to. But sometimes a kind word and a partnering in that very ministry is gloriously uplifting. Sometimes a reminder that some really, really good things are happening is absolutely what a pastor's wife needs to hear.
What WandaBeth also said was, "And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this." And alright, so it wasn't her that said it, originally. It was Mordecai in the 14th verse of the 4th chapter of Esther. I know this is hardly a royal position. But this position in general, well, I'm supposed to be in it. For such a time as this.
This isn't my favorite version of the song but...well...the words sum of my own, personal, mission statement.