The Worst Valentine Gift Ever

So last night Troy and I watched his Valentine present. When I was out grocery shopping last week I sifted through the bin of Extremely Cheap DVDs at WalMart. I stumbled upon Anger Management and, while we'd never seen it, it was $5.00 and it would cost almost that much to rent it. Plus Adam Sandler is usually pretty funny and while Jack Nicholson appears to be a total whacko in real life, his movies are typically decent, if not good. Additionally, it had Marisa Tomei, Woody Harrelson and Lynne Thigpen who rocked in Godspell in 1973 and John C. Reilly who rocks ALL THE TIME. Can't go wrong, right?

I should have rented it. If I had rented it I might have saved a buck and the darn dvd wouldn't have taken up residence in my house. The movie made me furious and in need of some anger management. I seriously wanted to start punching people in the face. Furthermore, I think I have a pretty lenient filter. Call it being desensitized, call it being a theatre major, call it a product of the 80's and 90's but I can handle my share of sexual innuendo. But when the porn stars and cross dresser showed up I knew I'd bought The Worst Valentine Gift Ever. Um, that last sentence kind of implies that I bought my husband an adult film for Valentine's Day which I, in fact, did not. It's just that this particular film (rated PG-13 mind you) had characters that were employed by the adult film industry. Now, I don't know what's gotten into parents and/or people who administer ratings lately but for crying out loud. I thought about turning it off but, once again, I couldn't take my eyes off the train wreck and I had to know if Adam Sandler punched Jack Nicholson's lights out in the end because that's exaclty what I wanted to do. If my thirteen year old saw this movie I would be horrified. I just think that a world where Amistad is rated R and Anger Management is rated PG-13 is a world gone mad.

I told Troy that I would sell it on ebay but I just looked and there are over three pages listed for this gem of a film and guess what...not...one...bid. And some of them start at one cent. So probably I'll give it to the dog as a chew toy or something.

So Dear Really Good Cast and Not So Good Writer,
Your movie was very stupid and the sexual innuendo was just really extreme. Do you think that the only way to make us laugh is to make jokes about the size of the male anatomy? I feel as though you've all just insulted my intelligence and made me want to start punching people in the face. I challenge anyone to watch this movie and not start feeling very angry all over. Wait, no, I do not challenge anyone to watch this movie. Ever. It is almost as bad as The Pallbearer. The End.

Sincerely,
The Purchaser of The Worst Valentine Gift Ever