Dear Dog With Ear Infection & Antifreeze Dripping Out of My Santa Fe,
I am not working this summer. Remember? Remember how I won't get a paycheck until the end of October? Remember how we don't have any money? Car: I am very sorry that we neglect you. This is partly because we don't know how to take care of you and mostly because we don't have any money to let someone else do it. Please forgive us and stop leaking antifreeze. We have to drive you to Long Beach on Sunday so that we can go minister to youth! Isn't that important to you? *Pause* What? Well, you say that it is but your antifreeze spouting actions are saying the opposite. Dog: We do not neglect you. Oh sure, you haven't gotten ALL the attention since the baby was born but we feed you. We walk you. We brush you. We give you water. We take you camping. We don't even beat you when you cheat the rules. How do you choose to repay us? By first developing some bizarre pooping technique that requires monthly dealings with your anal glands--don't even get me started. And then by getting gross-and-nasty-ear-condition. Please refrain from having any other costly medical occurrences.
P.S. Dishwasher, Washing Machine, Dryer, Refrigerator, Oven, Cat, Stove, Pipes, Water Heater, etc, etc, etc...thank you so much for valuing our dedication to ministry and, of course, eating, and choosing to continue functioning. We greatly appreciate it. I promise. Keep up the good work!