This is Us and this is National Adoption Month

My blog could easily go from being a place where poignant or funny or, at least, moderately interesting things used to be written to a place where I discuss episodes of This is Us on a weekly basis. Except they wouldn't be discussions that most people would want to read because I'd be all, There's a girl named Kate and a guy named Kevin but let's not talk about them. Let's talk about Randall and Rebecca all the time! All the time.

Because listen, I do not generally identify with Kate or Kevin. There was an episode a few weeks ago where Kate got into it with Rebecca. Kate is a year older than me. I should take her side. But I wanted to slap her across the face and tell her she was a horrible person and APOLOGIZE TO YOUR MOTHER RIGHT NOW, KATE.

Then, there I was, talking about the episode with friends and one of them just gets Kate. She explained that she identifies with Kate's struggle and how authentic the show is in regard to her feelings. It didn't make me want to slap Kate any less but it made me so happy to know that they're getting Kate just as right as they're getting Rebecca. And, let's face it, the country isn't tuning in just to watch this transracial adoption storyline unfold. Some people are tuning in for that. Some are watching for Kate.

I've mentioned before that this show makes me cry but not every week. Goodness, I'm a statue. Or I used to be. I don't know, strange things make me cry unexpectedly sometimes now. But, anyway, last night's episode really got me there at the end.

It's National Adoption Month. And I know, everything single thing, every single cause, every single issue has its own month to be celebrated these days. That's okay. Because if we listen to the passionate voices on certain issues, we just might learn something. Those of us who are the passionate voices, certainly have a lot left to learn.

I watch This is Us because I find so much of myself in Rebecca and because I find so much of Matthew in Randall. I watch because Randall grows up and Rebecca gets old and I'm not there yet. I'm not to the "being a white parent of a grown black man" stage of my life quite yet. But I will be. I am so hoping that the show is getting it right about adult Randall and Grandma Rebecca and that I can learn something now that helps me then. Goodness knows its getting it right about ten year old Randall and his mom. Sometimes, it gets it so right that I'm looking around my house for signs that the screenwriters have bugged the place.

Last night, when ten-year-old Randall couldn't deviate from his Halloween plan because THE WORLD MIGHT JUST END. Matthew. The things he can control, he simply must control, and if that control is taken away, he may just explode. And if he grew up to be as amazing as adult Randall that would be pretty okay with me but I'd rather he grow up to be a little less rigid and a little less nervous breakdowny.

When the show gets the dialogue so perfectly right, I just want to celebrate. Or cry. Or both. Because, thank you, Hollywood, for doing this.

Rebecca: You're not instead of anything. You are the way it was always supposed to be.

When there's infertility playing in to the story, I think it's easy for children to feel like they are Plan B. I can see Matthew feeling that way someday, feeling like we couldn't have another biological child and so we had him. I can certainly see Will believing that we only adopted him because we'd lost his sister. Of course, neither of those things are true. They are not instead of something else. They are the children that were always supposed to be a part of this family, since before the dawn of time.

Randall: What was his name?
Rebecca: Kyle.
Randall: Kyle probably looked like you and daddy. And them. Nobody looks like me.
Rebecca: I know.

These are real conversations that real adoptive families have. Add a biological child into the mix and it's maybe even more difficult. My oldest son is my mini me. Matthew and Will are not. I've never once had someone tell me that either of them look exactly like me. The tendency is to find things that are similar and that, in its time, is good. Matthew, Will, and I all have brown eyes. So we talk about that. But sometimes it's okay to just acknowledge that we don't look alike.

As I said before, though, it was the ending that grabbed me and made those tears spring out of my eyes.

Rebecca: (talking to baby Randall) Hi, little boy. I'm sorry it took me so long to get over here. I was really nervous to meet you. See, I talked to my other babies over there the whole time they were inside of me. But you weren't there so I wanted to come and introduce myself and say hello and let you hear my voice...Oh. I forgot to introduce myself. I'm your mom.

I felt this exact way with Matthew. He was hers and then he was mine but I didn't know him the way I'd known Garrett. And so I struggled to feel like he was really and truly mine. And then I felt guilty for not feeling the exact same way I'd felt with Garrett. I was so worried that I wasn't feeling things the right way. Now, of course, I feel sad that I ever wondered if I was loving him the right way. I was just loving him a different way. A way made through adoption. I credit Matthew completely for the fact that I didn't struggle with this when Will was born. I had already had seven years of loving an adopted child. I knew all the joy before me when Will was born because Matthew had taught me.

And then, lastly, there was this gem.

Older Rebecca: (talking to her baby granddaughter) And we lost a baby and we thought it was an ending but it was also a beginning.

Just today, as I was snuggling Will before his nap, I whispered to him, "Do you know how many things had to happen so that you would be here in our family? Do you know how God worked to change my heart in so many ways? Because He always knew it was supposed to be you."

I'll keep talking about this show for as long as it keeps getting adoption right. And I'll keep talking about adoption because it is one of my most favorite things in the whole entire world. Happy National Adoption Month!