It started innocently enough.
See. This is Garrett.
He wants to have "surfer" hair and it's taking f.o.r.e.v.e.r.
We buzzed his head last June before we went to Hawaii. We cut it again in August just before school started. And he's been growing it out ever since. Every morning we have a routine of dousing his head with water, parting it on the side, and spraying a sea salt hair product into it so that it has that "I just got out of the ocean" quality. Except that as soon as it dries, the part we combed to the side flops into his face, as is evidenced by the above picture. Yes. Meet Garrett. My little ragamuffin whose hair appears to be growing in reverse.
So the other night, after his hair was washed, I decided to clip the "bangs" portion over to the side in the hopes that it would dry that way and remain. I snapped a hair clip into it and wah-la there before me stood the daughter I've never had. This led to comments from my husband about how very much indeed my son looks like me. I don't argue with the people who say things like, "Did you even contribute to the DNA because he looks just like Troy." I don't disagree because I've got the proof in a photo album that's 25 years old.
This led to me calling him all manner of girly names and him thinking it would be hysterically hilarious if I dressed him up like a girl. He will go to his grave saying that I forced it upon him but that is simply not true. When he finds himself on the couch of a psychologist some day, claiming that it all went wrong when his MOTHER MADE HIM DRESS LIKE A GIRL, he will be lying and will only have himself to blame.
I don't have girl clothes. Well, I mean. I have girl clothes but I had nothing to dress my six-year-old boy in to make him look like a girl. So I improvised.
The hair is still a little too short but I think you get the idea.
The idea being that Troy and I would have made an awfully adorable daughter.
He requested the make-up. HE DID. Not me. I only applied it.
Once upon a time, 25 (or so) years ago, my family was in Lake Tahoe. My mom bought me a ring at a craft fair there. It was my first ever ring and I cherished it. My fingers grew and, eventually, I was only able to wear it on my pinkie finger. After Garrett had adequately been turned into a female, but before we snapped any pictures, I yelled, "WAIT!" I flung open the drawer on my jewelry box and pulled the ring out. I slipped it onto his finger...
It was a perfect fit.
He went back and forth between giggling like the very best school girl and yelling, "HURRY UP! WHAT IF SOMEONE PEERS INTO OUR WINDOW AND SEES ME? WHAT IF A PLANE FLIES BY AND SOMEONE LOOKS OUT THEIR WINDOW AND INTO OURS AND SEES ME? I WOULD DIE OF EMBARRASSMENT. HURRY UP! I NEED TO TURN MYSELF BACK INTO A MAN!"
I don't really think we need to be concerned with the fact that Garrett might start identifying as a girl because just a few days before I'd caught him like this.
That's not dirt, friends. That's a pool full of manure. Don't worry--he took an extra long shower not five minutes later.
After he was finished de-girling himself, he asked his father to turn him into a manly man. Here's what they came up with.
Today was Matthew's last indoor soccer game. After two straight games of scoring zero goals, he went out with a bang and scored four. His total on the year was 13. Not too bad considering they only play eight games.