My Sister Wives

So here's the thing about Utah. Before moving here I never would have joked about having a sister wife. I mean it. If someone said something about polygamy, I would have wrinkled up my face, made some sort of comment about women's liberation and then started quoting scripture. But here, in Utah, jokes about polygamy abound. As such, the term "sister wife" has made it's way into my vernacular.

Let me start off by stating that I, in no way, mean to offend any of my LDS friends with this topic. I know that you've moved way past polygamy and I know my Mormon friends are not sharing their husbands with any other women. To my knowledge, I don't even know anyone who is FLDS or an independent polygamist nor do I have any polygamist friends. Although, when we lived in Riverton, I did hypothesize that our neighbors were practicing polygamists because their garage had a separate living quarter off of one side, the wife/wives closed the garage door before getting out of the vehicle, and we never saw her/them despite seeing the husband and children quite often.

Still, the topic of sister wives comes up. I'm sure it's made more prevalent by the issue of Warren Jeffs as well as shows like Big Love, Sister Wives and whatever the one with Brady Williams and his five wives is called.  I have to admit that at one point, I sat down to watch one episode of Sister Wives and ended up being sucked in for hours. It was like watching footage of a train wreck. If, like, the people on the train somehow thought that what was happening was good and right and not at all damaging.

Anyway.

Since moving to Utah, I've thought about asking approximately eight different women, give or take, if they would become my sister wife. It's important to state that none of my sister wives would actually have any sort of perks or benefits. Really, I use the term lightly and, in my definition, it just means maid. Or unpaid employee. Not a slave because she would be free to leave if she wanted to. Each of these women would serve a very important role.

I've wanted my friend, Christy, as a sister wife because my boys love her equally as much as they love me. She "gets" to be the wife that serves as the nanny. I've wanted my friend, Christina, to join our family for the express purpose of giving me hugs when I need them and fulfilling the role of spiritual adviser when my husband isn't around. I'm also actively looking for a masseuse to join as the fourth member of this wife club. (Carol? Please?) We will all share the duties of cooking, cleaning and shopping. I promise to take good care of these women by providing a roof over their heads and food in their bellies. In return, they will perform their services for me. Babysitting, massaging, advising.

So, assuming that none of them see anything wrong with this idea where they basically become my unpaid employees, I've got my sitter, my spiritual adviser, and my masseuse. Am I missing anything?