Two Years

Dear Matthew,

Happy Adoption Day, Baby. I can't believe it's been two full years since we stood in the judge's chambers and made everything official. Two years of loving you and hugging you and holding you without worrying that it was all going to end.

Whenever I'm downtown--which in Salt Lake is actually uptown and I sometimes can't get over the confusion in my own mind--and I drive past the courthouse, I want to pull over, get out of the car, and do some kind of jig. But I don't think you can park directly in front of the courthouse so I'd have to drive around until I found a place, lug you and your brother out of the car, and traipse up the steps and, well, I just feel like by the time I went through all that the moment would have passed.

But I think of that day. I think of meeting our Utah lawyer for the first time, nearly fourteen months after you were born, because everything was all tied up in California until then. I think of how surreal it all felt and how it probably took more than a year for me to stop looking over my shoulder for court orders and legal documents and anything at all that would undo our family.

We went to The Olive Garden to celebrate and you cried almost the entire time. But you'd been very well behaved at the courthouse that morning so we really couldn't complain. Garrett seemed to heave an audible sigh of relief and will still, from time to time, say, "The judge said Matthew could stay."

The judge said Matthew could stay.


It was really a bunch of parents finally reaching an agreement. A bunch of paperwork decreeing this or that. A total of five lawyers and two judges. But on that day, two years ago, a judge did, indeed, say that you could stay.

And my soul glorifies the Lord.

Happy Adoption Day! I love you.

-Mommy