Thursday, June 16, 2016

Hey Kid: Three

Hey Kid,

Hey, Kid, we're so excited just to know you'll soon be here. Say, Kid, we're both delighted though that may not seem so clear. -If/Then

It's February 4 and, listen, it's not that a Broadway musical has played any sort of role in your creation or in your being here on this planet at all. Because it has not. But it has played a significant role in my ending up with you. Its themes of loss and moving on and choosing to live every day got me through some really miserable grief with your sister. Its themes of tracing paths left untaken and following twists and turns led me to you.

We're delighted and, well, terrified.

Because, as we know too well, it only takes a second for a baby's heart to stop beating forever. And really, kid, I need yours to keep going. I'm really attached to you already. But I'd be lying if I said that this was how I saw any of this playing out.

Cuz here's the thing...

No. I mean, literally. There's the thing. Your thing. I promise not to put anymore pictures of your penis on my blog. That's the one and only image of your thing that the world will ever see unless you grow up and make some really bad choices. And, yes, let's take a moment to discuss how impressive it is because you are only 21 and a half weeks, kid. MY. HEAVENS. I mean, there are ultrasound pictures where I'm like, "Yeah, okay, maybe I can kind of see that that's a wee wiener but, really, it looks like a blob of umbilical cord or something." But in this case I was like, "Yeah, no. THAT IS DEFINITELY a penis." It was as if you thought to yourself, I'm going to clarify this once and for all. I'm a boy. Take me or leave me.

I've been thinking about your sister for 14 months. Waiting for her. Losing her. Thinking God would bring us another daughter. Honestly, another "thing" wasn't even on my radar. But then, there was you. And we didn't know if you were a boy or a girl but we knew you were Kate's. Her brother? Her sister? Her sibling. Her blood. And blood is hardly an important factor in this family. None of my boys share a drop. But because we love her so much, we instantly loved the idea of you. Boy. Girl. Green alien from Mars. It just didn't matter. I knew I needed to hold you and love you and God would make you what you were. His timing. His will.

Do you understand that even though we never started off with this plan, God did? And I believe that He brought Kate to us because we would never ever have been in a place and space and time to get to you without her. That's some serious orchestration.

He knit you together in your mother's womb and would you take a look at how fabulous you are.

There you are. And I don't know your name. I haven't come up with it yet. I have ideas, most of which your father has vetoed. Listen, he'll tell you that I'm just as picky and stubborn as he is. In fact, he'll try to convince you that I'm even worse. But you heard it here first and this is my blog and I can tell it like it is. (Or revisionist history--whatever.)

So we're planning on surprising everyone. Or, at least, almost everyone. But we'll see how long we can keep the whole thing a secret. At the moment, your grandparents know about you. And that's it. So, with a lot of prayer and a little luck and a forever of waiting, this tiny hand will be holding my finger when this blog goes live in four months.

Until then, I plan to blog the heck out of my feelings. Because I'm scared to death. And I'm excited. And June feels like it's 100 years away, even though I know you'll be here before I know it and I won't be able to remember my life without you.

I know that God has hand picked me for you. I don't know why except to say that in my home and in my heart you can be loud. You can wrestle and pretend to be in battle. You can dig in the mud and run around naked and dance and howl at the moon. You can build forts and play football and be rough and tumble.You can laugh at poop jokes. You'll be safe to grow into a man here. It's all been done before. I'm sure you'll think of something that surprises me but I can't think of what that'll be.

So grow and thrive and I'll see you in four months. I can't wait until you're in my arms.



  1. Hi Lori, thanks for continuing to be so honest about life and giving others courage to do the same. I have a random question that I've been struggling with, and know you and your husband must have faced the same question..what are your convictions for education for your three boys? Here, everyone of my peers is homeschooling, and with great conviction. And it's true, my stomach turns at the thought of things they'll learn from the world's perspective, but there's also this quiet conviction in my husband and I that we want to walk with our kids through the world as is, in all the dark places, while we still have their ears and hearts while they're young.. thoughts? Hope you're enjoying all the snuggles with your new little one.

    1. Jamie,
      Thanks for reading! I have definitely faced the "To Homeschool or Not to Homeschool" question. My two big boys are enrolled in public school. I am employed by a school district. I have absolutely considered homeschooling many times for many different reasons. Obviously, I have concerns about what they're learning or will learn in school. I also have concerns with the public school "time waste" as I like to call it. I truly believe I could get done in two hours what takes all day at public school. That is NOT a criticism on the teachers. It's simple fact. One teacher instructing 20-30 kids takes a lot longer than 1 teacher instructing one or two kids. I think with the added time in our day, we could be doing more instruction in other areas, Bible, arts, field trips, sports, etc. We have prayed extensively about our choice. We approach this decision through our Christian world view and I maintain that if the Lord convicts me to homeschool, I will do so in a second. As a pastor's family, I have had people tell me that I am sinning by not homeschooling my children. I've had people make persistent attempts to convince me to homeschool, I've heard things said behind my back about how I'm wrong in my choice. All that said, my husband and I continue to believe that we need good, godly children in our schools. Just as we don't hunker down inside our home, hiding from the world, we believe that we need to introduce our children to the world and guide them through it while we have the chance. We are HUGE advocates for higher education. At a time when teenagers are turned loose and incredibly moldable by professors, we want them to have already experienced adversity, and not be thrown into it head first. We are incredibly intentional about our own involvement in their public education, volunteering and debriefing, always discussing things with them, etc. I am often found subbing at their school and experiencing different teachers and classrooms that they may, one day, be a part of. As I said before, I am always praying and listening to the Lord's leading on this issue and would absolutely homeschool if I felt His leading and/or if I felt that their current school was trending so badly that it was necessary. So that's where we stand. I hope that helps. It's definitely tough to go against the norm but you have to figure out what works for your family and follow the Lord's leading.

  2. I appreciate how you relate musical quotes to your life....Pretty sure if I wrote a blog it would be full of musical quotes. But my life is far less interesting than yours so it would just be musical quotes and no stories.

    1. I just pick my favorite musical quotes and hope life fits around them at some point. :-) (I mean, not really...)

    2. I just pick my favorite musical quotes and hope life fits around them at some point. :-) (I mean, not really...)