Dear Mom & Dad,
Hi! (I think) My name is Tessie. For awhile there I had no idea why they kept yelling this particular combination of letters at me, squeaking it in a high-pitched voice reserved, typically, for babies and kittens, cooing it as they held my face against theirs and stroked my ears. Then it dawned on me that maybe it's my name. I'm not entirely decided on the matter yet and so I give them glimpses that maybe I understand. But if I don't feel like listening then I pretend that I have no idea that this might be my identifying moniker.
You guys, these people are obsessed with me. The tall one with long hair takes my picture constantly as though I'm going to one day not be small and tiny anymore. The littlest one follows me around, crawling on all fours with his tongue out. He says we're playing "Puppy" but I am pretty sure he's actually playing some strange game of "Rabid Dog." I don't really understand what he's doing but I humor him. I'm constantly being carried around by the other boy and I cry a lot whenever he leaves the house.
Just after I got here, we celebrated some kind of very noisy holiday. There were a lot of loud booms and everyone kept sitting on the edge of their seats, staring at me, as though they were waiting for me to sprout fairy wings and fly away. Or freak out. I'm not exactly sure which. Joke's on them though because, at least for now, I am not the least bit bothered by the brightly colored explosives. Nor do I possess fairy wings.
I've gone to a lot of places since leaving home on Thursday. I've played with two golden retrievers, met some other doggies at the park, visited track practice, and even played at a lake. I had a great time playing in the sand but I met some critters that I am entirely unsure about. Apparently, a lot of dogs like us enjoy something they call duck hunting. Lemme just tell you that I am not planning on being one of those dogs. I encountered a very vocal mother duck and her babies and I was NOT impressed. Give me exploding fire any day but a flock of unsuspecting ducklings might just send me into cardiac arrest.
They make me sleep in a kennel but I sure do like it. It's like my own little den. I'm not sleeping through the night just yet but I'm doing really well. Also, today, I didn't even water the carpet once! And I've only pooped in the house one time since I got here. Granted, the big two-legged people take me out all the time but I'm doing pretty great.
I like to mix it up by making them wonder if I'm going to be Mellow Puppy or Spastic Psycho Puppy. Mellow Puppy is sleepy and really cute. Spastic Psycho Puppy is also really cute but she uses her mouth and her super sharp razor weapon teeth to play. She also sprints very quickly back and forth. In short, she's nuts. Some have even used the word "monster." Apparently this Tessie character is some lake monster and the tall, long-haired one keeps telling me that naming me after a monster is appropriate. If I wasn't so easily distracted, I'd be offended. But...squirrel.
It looks like I'll be here for awhile. They all really love me (the cat didn't participate in the poll) and I think I'll stay. Who knows, maybe some day I'll even let on that I know my name.
The Puppy Possibly Known as Tessie