Friday, September 26, 2014

Birth Certificate Trauma

I feel like it's been awhile since I've done an installment of NAMES I'VE ENCOUNTERED WHILE SUBBING. Listen, it was one thing when, back in my day, subs had to deal with the fact that sometimes boys had names more commonly known (in those days) as a girl name or vice versa. Also, the poor substitutes had to figure out how to say Kersten and Kirsten because, no, they weren't pronounced the same way. And there were some names, even then, that were a bit strange. Starbuck comes to mind.

But I am telling you that right now people are FOR REAL just throwing a bag of marbles on the ground, listening to the sounds they make when they kerplunk on the tile, and writing that on the birth certificate. (In fact, I'm sure there's actually a Kerplunk running around somewhere.)

Don't have a name and you're about to leave the hospital? Take the first letter of the first name of each nurse you've met and put them together. Jadiel? WHY NOT? Think that sounds kind of girly when you actually gave birth to a boy? NO MATTER.

You want a more traditional name but feel this intense need to give it some sort of modern spelling? Maygan's your girl. Or Krystyn. Or Aeva.

One of my kids is currently playing a certain organized sport with a GIRL called Sawyer. It's no problem though because they refer to her as Soy Sauce and/or the shortened version, Saucy. I promise, you can't make this stuff up.

Today, in a kindergarten class, I had a Thor.

Yesterday, there was a Bracken, a Brylee, a Brysia and a Brightyn.

I've had a Kolvin and a Tytan.

I've heard of Monson.





The list just goes on and on. Some day, I hope that my own children appreciate that I did not name them after leafy ferns or characters in Norse mythology. Some day, I hope that they reward me by not naming my grandchildren Naythin or Narcissus or Bryzannaleigh.

Dude. Someone, somewhere, is going to accidentally stumble upon this blog and totally name her daughter Bryzannaleigh. And it's going to be MY FAULT.


  1. I know of someone considering the name Bleighklie. Utah: where the names with the most vowels win!

  2. Ok, long time lurker, but I had to comment today because you are in the land of Utah and names. I have many LDS friends and one is a blogger also. She writes posts on crazy names that Mormons come up with. Apparently, there are sociological studies! It's a thing. Also I thought of letting you know that Bethany Soul Surfer is on The Amazing Race and Garrett might appreciate it.

  3. Aimee, always happy to hear from a lurker. :-) We all watched The Amazing Race together last night and I was so nervous the whole time because I want the Dirks to CRUSH it. And, yes, to the crazy names being a "thing"!

    Ashley--NO. Is that, like, pronounced Blakely? Or B-like-lie?

  4. Wow. Those are bad. I'm telling you tho....just wait for your little niece or nephew LaPhraenk Lynne or LuhPhraenque Jon. That'll top them!
    - Heather

  5. Would you have married me if my last name was Keats?

  6. Troy--I might have had to keep my maiden name.

  7. I taught a Delyioune once. (Dee-lie-jzu-Juan). For real... And then there are MiTecya. (My-tea-see-uh). Ta'Laijah. (Tuh-lay-jzu). Xcilence. Infinity. Reality. Iycis. Truly. (The last four are sisters). Just to name a few...
    I am seeing a lot more of the old school names now. Leroy, Emily, Renee, Stacy, Merry, Karen (sp. Kerrin) Robert, Ava, Elijah, Levi, Eli... :)
    My daughter named my grandson Leon. After my grandfather. It had to grow on me. Five years and I "almost" like it. Lol