Sunday, August 10, 2014

I Need You at the Dimming of the Day

There's an old song, originally performed by Richard and Linda Thompson. It was released in 1975 and was written after the couple had adopted the Sufi faith and moved to a commune in London. So, um, that's not my story. In case, you know, any of you aren't following this blog very closely. Several years ago, Allison Krauss covered it and said that it was about a woman losing love and forgetting her pride and just admitting that she's broken. That's also not really my story. But I first heard this song in its original form on the soundtrack for The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. And I loved it in a way that resonated with some deep recess of my soul. As in, my eyes started leaking for no good reason. The lyrics. The melody. The musical genius.

This old house is falling down around my ears
I'm drowning in a river of my tears
When all my will is gone you hold me sway
I need you at the dimming of the day

You pull me like the moon pulls on the tide
You know just where I keep my better side

What days have come to keep us far apart
A broken promise or a broken heart
Now all the bonnie birds have wheeled away
I need you at the dimming of the day

Come the night you're only what I want
Come the night you could be my confidant

I see you on the street in company
Why don't you come and ease your mind with me
I'm living for the night we steal away
I need you at the dimming of the day
I need you at the dimming of the day

This is what love is. Maybe not all the other lyrics. Maybe not the parts about seeing him on the street in company. But the single line, repeated, again and again, I need you at the dimming of the day. This is love. When everything settles down. When the kids are asleep. When the world falls silent. Where do you want to be? There are moments when this old house is falling down around my ears. There are moments when I'm drowning in a river of my tears. And there are certainly moments when all my will is gone and he holds me sway. I need him at the dimming of the day.

This life is not perfect.

It's not how I expected it would be.

It has taken me up a winding path that is far from what I saw at the trail head.

But to share this life with a man who gets me, makes me laugh, cares for me, holds me, humors me, knows me, chooses me, and loves me, well, sometimes it's almost too much. The Lord has been exceedingly good to me. I know I take his presence and his goodness for granted. Too many days go by without me telling him just what he means to me. I forget to tell him how much I need him.

You're only what I want. Your arms are where I want to be. It feels like yesterday and it feels like a hundred years have passed since we said our vows. Thank you for honoring them. I cannot tell you what it means to me that you are a man of your word. A man on honesty. A man on integrity. In this journey, there have been moments of purest joy and moments of deepest sadness. Through it all, you are my rock, my adviser, my best friend. Through it all, you hold me sway. I need you at the dimming of the day.

Happy 11th anniversary.

P.S. You know if you ever tried to leave me I'd punch you hard in the face, right? Hard. Just sayin'.

P.P.S. You know that the above post was way too sappy for me not to add something about punching you in the face right?

P.P.P.S. Thank you for not being a drippy romantic. It would make me throw up a little bit in my mouth. (Maybe even a lot bit.)

P.P.P.P.S. Now that I mentioned throwing up, can I use the "vomit" label? I think I will. Label: Troy. Label: vomit. Happy Anniversary!

P.P.P.P.P.S. I forgive you for losing track and telling people that this is our 12th anniversary. It totally feels like that sometimes. Good thing I still need you at the dimming of the day. Even after these long twelve, er, eleven years.

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