You're in the dressing room at Kohl's. See, you're speaking at a conference on Saturday and you feel like you need a confident new outfit. However, you didn't find anything in the price range you were looking for because, generally speaking, they don't make confidence exuding shirts for under ten dollars. Still, you made your way over to the bathing suits, saw the exact replica of the bottoms that a psychotic wave in Hawaii ruined when it thrust sand into them last summer, and decided that you must try them on. They're on sale and you have a 20% off coupon, after all.
So you find yourself in the dressing room with your kids, ages four and six. And you just might be the mom of boys if you have the following conversation.
Matthew: (Loudly. And when I say loudly I mean that the men in Lowe's could hear him. And Lowe's is all the way down the street.) YOU WEAR UNDERWEAR INSIDE YOUR BATHING SUIT?
Me: Shhh. No. But when I try on a bathing suit, I have to keep my underwear on.
Me: Because. Lots of people try on bathing suits. (Switching to a very low whisper) And we do not want to share our...selves with everyone else.
There were other people in this dressing area. I was suddenly very aware of this fact. Snickers escaped from other rooms. My face felt warm.
Garrett: (Suddenly) MOM! YOUR UNDERWEAR IS ON BACKWARD!
Me: No. It isn't.
Garrett: I think it is. For sure.
Me: Garrett, be quiet. I would know if my underwear was on backward.
Garrett: MOM! Seriously! It's on backward. I know!
Me: It's not backward.
Garrett: Then why can't I see the superheros?