Unfortunate Events

I'm having an unfortunate event kind of morning. It all began when I awoke from a dream in which Idina Menzel's mother presented me with a check for 10,000 dollars because I had been such a tremendous camp counselor to Taye and Idina's son and, since money was no object, they wanted me to have a large tip. I should have known this was a dream because the son was white as a marshmellow, gangly, and shy, I'm not a camp counselor, and I was wearing a Wicked fan club shirt to go out to breakfast with Idina Menzel's mother. I do not believe that Taye Diggs and Idina Menzel could make a blond haired, blue eyed child being that one half of them is an equisite African-American. I certainly know that, even if they could, he would not be gangly. And while, if Idina Menzel's mother took me to breakfast I would certainly want to scream out that I am quite a fan, I wouldn't wear it written on a t-shirt. But, you see, my dream tricked me because I said to myself while at breakfast, "Self, this is a dream. You don't get 10,000 dollar tips from people. Even rich people." But then, in the middle of the dream, I went to sleep and woke up...and I still had the 10,000 dollars. I hate tricky dreams like that.

So, I woke up very sad that I had lost my money. It was almost as though I had gambled it away simply by opening my eyes. Unfortunate.

So, Garrett is sleeping and I've been thinking about my show (IN 2 WEEKS-AHHH) and one thing led to another in my mind and I started thinking about graduate programs in directing. I really like directing. Who knew, really, when I was all starry-eyed and idealistic and "I'm going to be an actor" that one day I would actually come to love directing. Love it so much, in fact, that I found myself on UCSD's website for their program. And thus the series of unfortunate events continued.

Here was my thought process, "Wahoo, no GRE requirement for the directing program. It's in San Diego. They only accept 2 applicants a year. Hmmm, that's...not good. But what if the stars aligned, and by that I mean that God ordained it, and I got in? I'd be working, yes, working, side by side with Des McAnuff and Michael Greif and etc. There's the possibility of being accepted to assistant direct on world premiers in London and France and South Africa. Oh but, we can't really afford it. Well, 2007 is closed, I'd have to wait until the fall of 2008, maybe I could, you know, rob a bank...or ask Idina Menzel for a ten thousand dollar tip--a couple times. Then, armed with my degree I could get a job at a college making not alot but more than I make now, much more. Or, being that I would now be best friends with Des McAnuff and, well, Idina Menzel, I could go to New York. The program only takes three years. By the time I'm 30 I'll be carving a niche for myself on Broadw--And then it hit me. Um, Lori, honey, you have a, you know, nine month old."

I know what you're thinking. I've decided that Garrett is unfortunate because he's standing in the way of my directoral debut on Broadway. That's where you'd be wrong. I LOVE being a mom more than I love pita chips and I wouldn't trade my son for all the master's degrees in all the world. I do not regret for one second that I had him when I did because I really value being able to be young with my son. I never wanted to put a career or a paycheck or a play before my children. What is unfortunate is that if I'd had this dream snowball quickly before my eyes and I were a man...it would be a completely different story. And it's not that I want Troy to stay home so that I could do this, it's that our country is so backward it's disgusting. Should there not be a program where a mother can get a master's degree without ignoring her children for three years? Would it not be acceptable for me to say, "Thanks for making me one of the two directors you've accepted in to your program, my son is just going to play at my feet during your lecture and then chill in the back row while I direct rehearsal for three hours. You'll see how great I am at multi-tasking." And, of course, I realize that's not fair for Garrett and my request is ludicrous, and that, actually, the whole idea would be achievable if I lived two minutes from campus and wanted my son to grow up in day care and robbed a bank. And, truthfully, I'd love a world where I didn't have to work at all because being his mom is fulfilling enough for me. But, it's all unfortunate, nonetheless...that mothers run out of options because they put a value on family.

And then I remembered. I remembered that the other afternoon, when I got home from work, Garrett and I sat outside and ate a popsicle together. And it was warm and special and he slurped happily and I wanted to catch the moment of perfection forever. I'm not a rat racer. It would be incredible if there were two of me. And one of me could go with Des to direct some premier in South Africa and the other could watch Garrett while he breathes.

But there aren't two of me. So I will watch Garrett breathe. And I will direct high schoolers. If I close my eyes tight enough, if I imagine deep enough, just maybe I can pretend that one of them is Idina Menzel and my cave of a theatre that I can't get into until the last minute is somewhere on Broadway...