Wednesday, November 10, 2010


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A week ago I tumbled into a heap in what can only be called The Great Plate Skiing and Toddler Tossing of 2010. Well, okay, it could probably just be referred to as That Time I Fell but let's face it, The Great Plate Skiing and Toddler Tossing of 2010 has a much better ring to it.

So to recap, I lifted the kid out of the high chair, stepped back onto a plate that the toddler had thrown, my left foot went one way, the rest of me went another, I fell into a heap but not before heaving the kid about a foot so that I wouldn't crush him and it hurt me but he mostly laughed. The end.

It's been seven days.

But the outside of my right leg is still covered in what is now a yellowish purple bruise about four inches by two inches. It hasn't hurt to walk for about five days but if I touch it...boy howdy. So I just try not to touch it. The inside of my right leg has a small bruise where the inside of my left leg crashed into it. Likewise, the inside of my left leg has a small bruise where it crashed into the inside of my right leg.

I'd post a picture just to show you how remarkably colorful my legs are right now but then you would also know how remarkably hairy and white they are. When you trade the beach for the tundra, the legs are the first thing to go. Okay, so really the boogie boards are the first thing to go but the legs are a definite runner up. Autumn arrives--and it's really more like a really frigid winter compared to fall in southern California--and the jeans come out and the leg hair just becomes a fact of life. I need it to keep from freezing to death.

In the interest of full disclosure I'd like to tell you all that I actually just shaved. So I suppose I could take another picture that would not feature my stellar leg hair but would, in fact, feature my severe lack of any toned calf muscle. It's not because I don't exercise--although we can discuss that at a later time--it's because, even when I smelled perpetually of chlorine, I didn't have much leg definition. It's okay though because my husband has enough calf muscle for the whole family and then some.

This was totally supposed to be a post about Hey, don't try plate skiing while holding a toddler but, instead, has turned into Things I Probably Shouldn't Blog About. Because I'm not entirely sure that I need everyone trying to conjure up images of my hairy lack of calves. But there you have it.

To recap this post. I just shaved so I might freeze to death this very night. My calves aren't toned. My knees are all kinds of interesting combinations of colors of the rainbow. I will never be invited to the BlogHer convention.

Could you even imagine? "Hey, there's Heather Armstrong. There's Ree Drummond. There's MckMama. There' that the girl who blogs about her own leg hair?

But really. Don't try plate skiing across your kitchen floor. It's unwise.

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