Partnership (or...maybe...not)

MR. CRUISE: Hey, chick from Dawson's Creek, can I dance on Oprah's couch whilst confessing my undying love? And then will you have my baby?

GIRL FROM DAWSON'S CREEK: Yes.

MR. CRUISE: Silently and without an Epidural?

GIRL FROM DAWSON'S CREEK: Um...

MR. CRUISE: I SAID SILENTLY!

GIRL FROM DAWSON'S CREEK: Okay. But, can I please have the Epidural? Please?

MR. CRUISE: I guess.

GIRL FROM DAWSON'S CREEK: Then, I guess. Sure.

MR. CRUISE: Did you say Suri? (PAUSE) Excellent name. Let's use it.

GIRL FROM DAWSON'S CREEK: What?

MR. CRUISE: Exactly.

GIRL FROM DAWSON'S CREEK: Um, ok. But just so you know, I'm Catholic.

MR. CRUISE: You're a Scientologist now.

GIRL FROM DAWSON'S CREEK: No, I'm...

MR. CRUISE: I SAID YOU'RE A SCIENTOLOGIST NOW!

GIRL FROM DAWSON'S CREEK: Okay.

MR. CRUISE: Oh, by the way, you go by Kate now. It sounds much more sophisticated than Katie.

GIRL FROM DAWSON'S CREEK: But I've always been Katie.

MR. CRUISE: You've also always been Catholic and we've taken care of that little problem. Now you are Kate.

GIRL FROM DAWSON'S CREEK: Okay.

MR. CRUISE: Here is your wedding dress, I've had it designed especially for you.

GIRL FROM DAWSON'S CREEK: Oh...really...see...I...kinda...always wanted to pick out my own dress.

MR. CRUISE: Oh, well, it's been done. Now you can spend all of your time brushing our daughter's hair instead of looking for wedding dresses.

GIRL FROM DAWSON'S CREEK: But (PAUSE) that (PAUSE) was (PAUSE) really (PAUSE) important (PAUSE) to (PAUSE) me.

MR. CRUISE: (PETTING HER HEAD) There, there. (PAUSE) Now, I know that you wanted some Catholic traditions in our wedding but I've taken it upon myself to write a strictly scientologist ceremony. Boy. I bet your folks are going to be pretty mad.

GIRL FROM DAWSON'S CREEK: But, I thought we agreed that a combination of Catholicism and Scientology would be good.

MR. CRUISE: Oh yah. We did. But um...I AM Tom Cruise and you ARE just that girl from Dawson's Creek.